Told Ya So Part II

It's Thursday.

I started my "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story" promotions Monday.

I go away for half the day to spend time with an old friend, and I take a casual moment to look at Mania today to see if it's been updated since 6:30 this morning.

And what do I find? Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" is being adapted for television.

Hell, I just don't know anymore.

PS - I was asked why does this bother me so?

It's simple: I've always tried to do what no one else was doing and had some good fortune at finding things no one else was touching -- and the instant I'd send mine out, from right out of nowhere would come an announcement that someone else in the biz was fast tracking their project.

So I'd simply abandon mine. I've no interest in being a copycat.

It's just annoying and has been for the last six years.

The biggest problem with Hollywood has been "everything has to be like everything else," which is what throttled the Abrams reboot of "Star Trek."

I follow my own guiding star(s), not what everyone else does.

Like A Star Sneaking In Through The Cracks Of The Nighttime

It has been a very long time since I've updated or seen about the task of maintaining this blog, and now that I visit it this morning the cold, rabid bite of my last entry's timestamp reminds me of why I've been absent.

Three days after my last posting my dad died. Only now am I returning to this blog, but only with the following statements:

After having been made a Featured Blogger on Mania's website by its administrator, I've decided that this site won't be updated as often as it used to be, except in cases when it needs to serve as a failsafe site OR if I go outside the usual Mania boundaries.

Most of you already are aware that my profile and blog can be found at the following address: http://www.mania.com/StarlightGuard/blog.html

Since I'm attempting to do my part in resurrecting my fellow Maniacs' interest in the notion of blogging\reviewing\bitching I'll be focusing my attention there. Maelstrom will return one day (hopefully), Karas is thinking of pitching in her TV reviews, and maybe Bob can start sticking his You've Got Geek On You podcasts links back into the entries which have been overrun by spam as of late.

I will be checking in on this blog to test links and such just to make sure they're still active. As for my old myspace page, I'm just going to let it sit there collecting dust as it retains vital information and blogs from that era as well, but don't expect any updates there either.

Another night has fallen, another day is dawning.

And life goes on as best as it can...

Told Ya So

So I open this morning's newspaper, head straight for the comics, and after turning one page I read "Pickles."

The first two panels confirm what I've been saying since late August of 2007 -- the Sandman is an entity we've left untapped for a long time, which is part of the reason I wrote "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story."

A pile of envelopes went out yesterday for "Summertime Blues." Another will be leaving for "Sweet Dreams" in the near future.

Take notice -- just like with my Igor\Frankenstein\B-movie monster parody series "Life and Times of Igor," I again stumbled upon something modern day America is just waking up to.

And, again, it's always someone else with connections that gets noticed first.

2004 for Igor's antics, 2007 for the Sandman.

I'm not saying I'm psychic, I just happen to have fallen into the right place ahead of time, and was completely trampled on in the rush by everyone else catching up.

Game Over -- Continue?

It's 2010.

In the fall of 1999 I started this game. Fall of last year I reached a major burnout point and shut the game off.

I went back to work in the factory where I spent a few summers and, two nights in, was injured. It's the first time I ever had to quit a job. That was December, and I'm still dealing with the after effects.

So after a lot of rest, some medication, and a general reassessment of how I handle my life I've decided to return to the game.

As usual, I don't expect to win, but as long as you keep playing you'll find you get better and, one day, you too can save the princess. Or the blue eyed boy. Whichever you prefer.

So this is the reason for my absence, and why my MySpace and this particular blog site needs a facelift, both visually and in output. I even had to slow down at Mania, but I stay in touch with my fellow Maniacs. My Facebook site stays active, though I won't let the general public in for that.

So promotions will begin again for "Summertime Blues," "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story," and others as they are completed.

The pace here will be a slower one than in the past. But, in the meantime, here's a few things I've recently come across you could potentially enjoy:

Maburaho - The Magic Collection (anime)

Newcastle (indie flick)

You've Got Geek On You (podcast featuring friend and fellow Maniac Bob "The Movie Lord" Trate)

And, since they're a lot of fun, I'll supply links to my "Twilight" parody blog entries from Mania. I'll even include Maelstrom's, since he's hilarious as well.

A final note -- as Mania now features a profanity filter, whenever any entry is naughty by nature it will appear here, and a link to said entry will be provided at Mania. Said filter was instituted not to keep us from using bad words, it was designed to keep the porn spammers out.

The Maniacs have found creative ways around this by swearing in new and interesting ways.

--Starlight out.

New Moon Parody: Little Red Riding Bella Meets The Big Bad Wolf (links included for "Jacob Unleashed" and Maelstrom's "Midsummer Twilight Sex Scene")

Twilight Parody

Just Like Joe Eszterhas

Once upon an evening encounter, two individuals brought me in to review my abilities (or possible lack thereof) when it came to my literary aspirations and rhetorical competency. They said, basically, I had very little talent to display -- I immediately turned the table before them over and left in a huff.

A few moments later, I was approached by one of them who made a confession: "Sorry about that, we were just trying to make you angry." Their reasoning was that I was in a somewhat dry period, and fresh water (not to mention furious blood) needed to flow through me because, in essence, I "write better" when I'm angry.

I told them to never do that again, and I hold that over their heads every so often. They haven't tried such tactics again.

Another infusion of fresh blood has been coming, as recently I've been so worn down from the factory experience, not to mention other forces going on within and without. I've been pushed to the very edge of the desert and sank my fangs into the sands to try to get some nourishment from it, which displays the lengths I've found myself going to as of the last few years.

Normally I turn to music (usually fresh, new music) to refill the gray matter in my head. I respond much more easily to music, so I headed to Best Buy and bought Euro-pop sensation Mika's albums: "Life in Cartoon Motion" and "The Boy Who Knew Too Much."

Wow.

I'm totally envious of this guy -- his manic energy and sugary pop persona is precisely what I was like in high school. I'm considering finding him and marrying him because I, like a vampire, need to feed off such energy to sustain myself.

So, until I can claim him as my own (apparently homosexuality is a requirement in Hollywood -- you're about to get the proof of it), another source of madness needed to be uncovered. Then along comes a book I found -- "The Devil's Guide To Hollywood" by Joe Eszterhas.

It's brilliant.

And here's a few helpful selections I love from my constant skimming of this volume:

You'll need to ward off evil spirits. - pg 69
When he was a young director, Marty Scorsese wore a gold talisman to keep evil spirits at bay, as well as an American Indian pouch filled with holy objects.

You don't want to get in a creative disagreement with a Scientologist. - pg 77

(and)

You don't want to mess with that E-meter either. - pg 77 - 78

(and)

Or you can join the Church of Scientology. - pg 186

Just pick up the book to read those entries. They're great...and long.

Get in touch with your feminine side. - pg 71
"The only good artists are feminine," said Orson Welles. "I don't believe an artist exists whose dominant characteristic is not feminine. It's nothing to do with homosexuality, but intellectually an artist must be a man with feminine aptitudes."

(Note - Maybe this explains why I've had the "brilliant" label thrown upon me several times. It might also explain why I understand "Twilight," and why I'm sometimes confused for...well...not being male. Or maybe I'm just a whore and will take anything I can get.)

You might want to try gay porn. - pg. 358
Screenwriter/novelist Gigi Grazer: "Writers, or any artists, should constantly be reinventing themselves, whatever that means --plays to screenplays to novels and back again, or second wife to mistress to third wife to gay porn, whatever works. Life feeds us. If we stagnate, there is no material."

(Note - I've tried it all -- even porn. Yes, even the type that didn't feature those of the female persuasion. You don't have to write the specifics, just the dialogue and they will either make up the "positions" and such on set or see what happens.

So, why did I try such an career path? My reasoning was "even the adult industry needs writers, even if its actors are playing knock knock, boom boom." That was the most recent WGA strike.

True to form, I was turned down, or flat out ignored, by pretty much everyone. Everyone, that is, except a lone male performer who recently started his own little studio devoted to himself and other male performers. The response was great...and then nothing came of it, no pun intended.

At least I can say, professionally, the girls at Digital Playground,. Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick all turned me down.)

Just say the fucking words! - pg. 326
Faye Dunaway asked Roman Polanski about her character's motivation in Chinatown. Roman said, "say the fucking words! Your salary is your motivation."

Who the hell is Hedy Lamarr? - pg . 327
Hedy Lamarr: "I enjoyed the location trips to desert towns in Arizona. The nights were mellow and romantic. Making love out of doors is so much more thrilling. Add a cowboy who never heard of Hedy Lamarr and the situation is ideal."

Swimming pool scenes are fine. - pg. 1 42
Louis B. Mayer: "You'd be surprised how tits figure in a hit movie."

Cover your own ass. - pg. 144
Cover yourself. Before each sex scene write, "It is dark; you can't see clearly" -- just in case the director wants to shoot your script as an NC-17 or "a deep R"...and blames you for pornography if the movie fails.

You're asking for trouble if you write a scene with male frontal nudity. - pg. 144
Director Jean - Jacques Annaud: "The penis is a terrible, terrible actor. It is an actor who overacts."

But you can go absolutely apeshit on the violence. - pg. 145
Director Phillip Noyce, discussing Sliver: "The MPAA have a phobia about seeing people joined together in lovemaking. So they wanted us to cut down on the amount of material where Sharon and Billy seemed to truly be coupling. I would cut it and they would say, 'No, no, no still too much.' I would try cutting it again. 'No. no, no still too much' -- and this went on endlessly. Yet in any film that I have made in the U.S., there has never been any discussion with censors about violence.

Directors are feminists. - pg. 248
Sam Peckinpah: "Women have very complicated plumbing that I'm fascinated with."

Another romantic director... - pg. 248
Director Blake Edwards said about his wife, Julie Andrews, "She has lilacs for pubic hairs.

Murder is always an option. - pg. 275
At 3:30 AM, screenwriter Budd Schulberg's wife awoke, to find him not in bed.
He was in the bathroom, shaving.
She said, "why are you shaving so early?"
He said, "because I'm driving to New York to kill the producer."

But he (David Geffen) obviously wanted to fuck Tom Cruise. - pg. 276
After he read the script of Risky Business, producer David Geffen told the director, " I want you to cast someone in the role of Joel that I would want to fuck."

All Hail Doug Kenney! - pg. 284
Doug Kenney, the screenwriter of Caddyshack, hated the poster for the movie so much that he confronted studio head Mike Medavoy outside his office and the two wound up grappling on the ground.
The poster was changed.

Actors are so very sensitive. - pg. 306
Sharon (Stone) went up to the Basic Instinct cinematographer with a gun in hand and waved it in his face.
"If I see one ounce of cellulite on-screen," she said, "you're a dead mother fucker."

Actors will do anything to upstage one another. - pg 307
Zero Mostel always ate a big dish of black beans and onions before the premier of a play he was appearing in. He did that so he could fart easier (and louder and smellier) to distract the other actors.

Don't write any John Wayne-type parts. - pg. 139
With the exception of Russell Crow and Mel Gibson, there are few stars able to play supermacho parts today. Many of Hollywood's top male movie stars are either bisexual or gay. If they're not bisexual or gay, their feminine sides overpower their manhood. Look at how Orlando Bloom and Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt failed, respectively, in Kingdom of Heaven, Alexander, and Troy.

A Final Thought -- Hanso, meet me behind the Wal-Mart Supercenter. A man's gotta learn these skills somewhere, and preferably before entering California's film industry.

Why?

Because as the book states, the fucking you want isn't going to be the fucking you get.

PS - What was I like in high school? Here, see for yourself --

Mika - "We Are Golden"

That, in essence, was me. Only geekier. And not nearly as visually pleasing to the feminine eye.

Not Fade Away...

Well it seems I'm reaching a moment in life where I must step away from the computer for awhile, as I'm rejoining those who have "real jobs" in the next week or two.

If you followed me here from Mania, then you've already seen the heads up I left over there.

After another full year of promoting (again) I seem to have ran dry of contacts. I placed the calls, I sent out the letters\emails, and even sacrificed a sheep or two to the Screenwriting Gods.

They insisted, for my next sacrifice, I give them Jessica Simpson. Frankly, I think they're toying with me.

Oh yes, I must remember to thank Hanso for pointing me in the direction of the Script Shadow contest. He may not like "Twilight," but he's still a good man. The contest ends on November 9'th.

This morning I placed the logline, etc., for "Sweet Dreams" in the running. We'll see where that goes.

In the meantime, I continue to slowly work on the novel adaptation of "The Life and Times of Igor," which everyone already has heard about for the last four years or so. The link to the Mania blog entry above contains a first draft excerpt from Chapter 4 of this version.

And if anyone new believes I ripped off the idea, well just search about on here for Igor's history, and go digging into the Mania blogs from the last year or so to see the proof positive I was promoting mine long before the CGI movie came out a while back, which just proves it isn't what you know or what you can do, it's who you know and who you're sleeping with.

Not sure how often I'll be posting in the coming days\weeks, either here or at Mania, but don't sell me short as I will return. I've got blogs here, at Mania, my old Myspace account, and lots of comments in the "Twilight" and "Igor" articles over at Mania, not to mention practically everywhere else. Explore at your own pace...

Until the sun rises again kiddies...

Starlight

Please, Mr. Postman...

Crazy, isn't it?

I'm always amazed (though I shouldn't be) at the differing means of replies between California, Canada, and New York.

To every contact in Los Angeles I could muster, I sent a letter. The same goes for New York, and Canada.

One should compare the WGA lists for America, both East and West. The number of agencies on both sides are huge.

But, when it comes to keeping in contact, New York is the clear winner. Los Angeles is, simply put, the void into which correspondences disappear. Come on, Hollywood, it's not going to kill you to write back like your New York cousins do, even if it is to say "not interested" for X reason.

Out of the pile I sent to New York, about half of them were met with replies: form letters, personalized letters, and even an email or two. They take the time because, obviously, they realize what their jobs are all about.

Out of the bigger pile I sent to California, about one tenth of those came back...at most.

So WGA agencies\signatories, are you trying to keep us from contacting you at all? Is it really your lot in life to hide from the very people you set out to find? It's like being a 911 dispatcher who won't answer a telephone.

At least have the decency to write us back. Making fifty grand (at least) per deal is enough to jade you, apparently, because some of us are damn near penniless screenwriters handing out money we don't have to pay for postage, ink, and all else that is required to have you kind people ignore us.

The Heart Of The Problem

The general definition of insanity is that a person will continue the exact same actions and expect different results from after every action.

Well...maybe on the quantum level. But neither that nor work properly in the matters of Hollywood.

You gotta love it when the Editor In Chief at a genre news website posts on his Facebook and Twitter accounts how he's laughing at how a studio's press release now openly compares the movie they're comparing to other past blockbusters.

Now this A + B = C formula plays out in, as far as I can tell, two different fashions: the first is for promotional means, but it's never before been this bad when they're flat out admitting to the population at large this new project is just two movies (or more) shoved into a blender to produce this new concoction.

Behind the scenes, this "It's This Meets That" means of pandering is the secret means of promoting a project to jaded Hollywood execs who only understand "This Is Popular, That Was Popular, Together They'll Be Three Times As Popular" reasoning.

Did I just refer to that line of thinking as "reasoning?" Hell, it's spreading faster than H1N1.

It's not reasoning, it's marketing which, of course, is the opposite of reasoning.

I once was writing a script called "Dip Your Wings," a fantasy about a guardian angel who was made half mortal...and so on. I was about 25 pages into it, and told a female friend about it.

"Oh," she said, "that sounds like 'City of Angels,' and 'What Dreams May Come.'"

The second movie I'd heard of, but the first I had not. So I wrote it down on a piece of paper, headed to Best Buy, and started searching the aisles.

I found it, picked it up, read its synopsis, and became disgusted. I sat it back down, left, and never touched that screenplay again. Saying it was "this" plus "that" killed my project, because I absolutely detest the comparisons.

This Plus That stifles creativity. It strangles originality and free thinking. Recycling of movies and storylines is not an effective means of green production (as in greenbacks.)

The other place this formula comes into play is in the audience, who is (sometimes) smarter than the studios think they are. "Twilight" debuts in theaters and the howling of emasculated fanboys cried out into the night about how it was a ripoff of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Yeah...no, not seeing it.

As a rip off of "Romeo And Juliet," well that's a more feasible argument. Shakespeare's story of star crossed lovers has been raped and left for dead as many times as "A Christmas Carol."

Everyone's got a remake of "Christmas Carol," even that god awful "Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past." Michael Douglas should know better.

If given the chance, Hollywood would continue to feed off itself until it's all homogenized and it's an equal shade of gray across the color spectrum.

Some would argue that is precisely how it looks now. The need to snap the spectrum back into differing wavelengths isn't fast approaching, it's here.

When everyone is doing exactly the same thing, and remixing the exact same shades together to get a fresh coat of gray, then someone needs to come from left field with a palette of pastels and primary colors to put the zing back into creativity.

The Moral Of The Story -- If everyone is doing (or redoing) the exact same thing, do something wildly different. Streaks of red, green, and violet will get the attention of the population who was forced into color blindness.

Reminders

Every so often I post this message because, for some, the usage and means of this blog is a bit confusing -- it is an exploration of ideas and opinions, a means for my friends receive an answer to their often stated questions of "what the hell is it you do?," and so on.

For those who represent literary agencies and said friends from Myspace, Facebook, Mania, and "real life," there are shortcut keywords in the right side of the frame. Just scroll down and pick the topic link and receive either descriptions of one project or another, some rambling thoughts on certain Hollywood trends, love (or hatred) for other instances.

As "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story" is constantly being promoted on both American coasts (New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco) then it's only fair to provide a shortcut link here.

This site is kept to a minimum to make it easier for all involved, especially me as I have dial- up (as some of you already know) .

It's raining today -- and has been all night. Flood watches and warnings are everywhere, but I'm in no danger. Can't speak for the River Valley, though.

Ah yes, another lazy, rainy day -- and a chance to make a little more progress on adapting "Life and Times of Igor" to novel form.

I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again

If you clicked on this hoping to hear the "Angus Prune Tune," well I'm sorry but ISIRTA isn't here, although the obvious reference was made in the title.

Mania blogs are, currently, down. I assume Jarrod is doing something about this, when he's not suffering from insomnia that is.

Since the entries over at Mania are far more interesting (and currently harder to find) I thought I'd just add this link to expedite the search. There's rambling opinions (such as you'd find here) sketches that parody "Twilight," declarations of why J. J. Abrams is bad for "Star Trek," and other such madness.

In the meantime, promotions continue to go out to New York, Los Angeles, and Canada.

Also, the idea of exploring the notions of how Summit Entertainment is possibly selling out the soul of "The Twilight Saga" in exchange for "man candy" is bubbling in my brain. We'll see where that goes.

The Hollywood Gaming Association

I hate gambling.

Maybe "hate" isn't the correct word. Let's try something more along the lines of this:

"Boring."

Yeah, that's better -- it's such a standard, uninspired word to describe something that promises MONEY! SEX! BRIGHT LIGHTS! ADVENTURE! FAST TIMES! THE HIGH LIFE! and so on.

Promoting myself is a lot like gambling, it's two quasi related activities in which the gamer (or writer) hopes to advance in life, wealth, happiness, by means of making this small investment in the glowing machine with ringing bells and lights.

There are casinos all over this country, and I would go visit them, but not to play their games. I've visited one casino across the border in Oklahoma, and smaller ones in Colorado. I dropped five dollars in a machine just past the state line, pressed a button or two, and was immediately bored by the prospect of it all. I simply have no real affection for gambling.

Arguably, I saw past the neon induced haze of glamour and riches and quickly decided that the best way to get money was by having a job.

I make similar, uninteresting investments in the gaming machines of Hollywood -- a small investment comes by means of dropping money into envelopes, postage stamps, and other such means of this life I have.

I then take all that the money has bought me, place it in the machine of an Out Of Town box stationed at the edge of the local post office, and pull the lever. After ten years of playing this game, I'm bored.

To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if those on the receiving ends of our letters are also bored, as it's arguably a two way gamble -- Hollywood is place of glamour I'm not enchanted by and I, most likely, am just another strobe light and disco ball act these harried agents are likely walking by because they are unable (or unwilling) to make possibly unwise bets on.

I can't speak for those men and women, but I can speak for myself: this game is soulless. Sure some win, more of us lose, and it really doesn't matter how you play the game. I find I have more fun writing my actual scripts than I do in placing the bets.

In other words, I'm walking through the casino, and sure the lights are fun to look at, but they're really just blurred streaks of the visible spectrum as I make my way to the word processor.

In casinos, it doesn't matter how you play the game, because you can still lose. In writing, you can win or lose, and how you play that game is a determining factor.

In the Hollywood Gaming Association, it again doesn't matter how well you play, because winning and losing comes down to just pulling the lever and seeing what happens.

It's a shame the HGA isn't more like a video game, as then it'd be more interesting. A person could make mistakes AND learn from them, then alter how they play the game, while continuing to improve their game with every press of the button.

Casino based gambling isn't anything special to me. Hollywood gambling also fails to hold my interest.

A person can learn more from the games that offer both success and failure than the ones that advertise success with the odds stacked against them. And that is what maintains a person's interest and challenges them to improve their tactics. Gambling just to get ahead is a certain way of falling further and further behind, and I've no interest in that.

But there is one thing these types of gambling can teach you, if you pay close enough attention to the lesson: "winning isn't everything, and walking away from the table doesn't mean you're a loser."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got literary games to play. And when those games end, there's always "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess."

--Updated--

Some reading this might feel I'm just "mad at the system," or otherwise angry\jaded. Some years ago, that would've been true.

Now these thoughts laid out upon your computer screen are carefully thought out to actually examine what it is like.

The above comparisons to gambling establishments are not incorrect. But there is one matter that casinos have that Hollywood doesn't -- the notion of the smaller wins leading to what some would hope to be even larger jackpots.

Casinos are there to serve as bait for your paychecks. You can put a little in and would actually receive a small amount back. This is designed to keep you interested, to keep you from becoming bored, so they can, in fact, keep you fishing in an increasingly emptying lake devoid of fish or treasure.

Hollywood can't manage that. It is just like filling a slot machine repeatedly in hopes of the bigger jackpots, when the smaller ones aren't there to entice you further.

This is simply how it works, and how it has been for as long as I've been making the attempts. I remain uninterested in the "payoffs," yet I keep stuffing the machine. There are times when one's mood will mirror that of the Jimmy Buffett tune "Defying Gravity," as in "I never dream I will win, and if it all ends tomorrow, then that's fine too."

If it all ends tomorrow...then I will simply turn away from the machine and be free of it. It isn't an addiction or a lesson in self mutilation, it's an (arguably) necessary evil.

But, luckily for me, every so often Life likes to smile down on me and grant me relief and respite from the ongoing madness, usually in the form of some perfect night's sleep and Technicolor dream sequences involving blooming Easter flowers and incomparably beautiful sunrises that George Lucas has tried to recreate on his many computers, and still finds himself unable to do so.

Its moments like this that keep me going -- not the need for fame, money, or such. It's the promise of happiness in a life (hopefully) well lived as we chart our courses across the cosmos or across state lines.

You can keep feeding the machines if you've got Dory next to you, because though her advice is necessary (not to mention potentially annoying) , its her smile and attitude that keeps you going.

That, Technicolor dreams, and Jimmy Buffett.

It's all good.

Three Acts of Pure Magic

It's always a good thing to be looking where no one else is...no matter how many times the story has been told, it always manages to disappear, while it waits for the day when someone will take the myth and make it anew.

The big to do now is vampires, and there's a lot of ticked off fanboys yelling and screaming about "Twilight," which I defend as heartily as I would my own work. But we're not getting into that subject.

But, another entity has existed throughout the ages and has been cast in both good and malevolent fashions: the sandman.

Since I am promoting my own "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story," I might as well give the past references to what this mythical person has been about. Here's the link to Wikipedia.

The idea of the sandman is constant...and right now he sleeps like those he grants nightly rest to.

But I (and a co-storyteller) resurrected this protector of the night by means of mixing various myths, namely the images from Native American mythology (dream catchers) while also going towards the old idea of demons that come to your bedside in an effort to do you harm...or worse.

Add in a new spin on the lunar cycle and how it invokes monsters, plus some New Age beliefs about the mystical power of crystals, and a healthy fondness for 50's doo wop music and a love for all things celestial, you've got a compelling dramatic fantasy about one young man who lost the one he loved, and another who is in great danger of losing the one he doesn't realize who loves him while he faces a life filled with monsters and moonlight.

There are only so many ways a man or woman can actively promote whatever it is that he or she has created. And this is possibly the most informative that I can be about the subject and the story that was completed back in 2007.

Enjoy.

Sincerely,

The Founding Member Of The Starlight Guard

-A.B.M.

PS - It should be stated that, no, I didn't use Wikipedia as my primary sources of inspiration or information. I simply supplied those links because it's far more effective than listing my books and their respective page numbers.

Maelstrom's Trek Review

We Maniacs have our views, and we're not afraid to share them.

But, lately, it seems when we express our views, they get buried under spammer bombardment which causes a technical error after mass deletion in which all recent blog entries get archived and disappear from the main list.

As of now, the great and powerful Jarrod is working on this. Hopefully Mania Tech isn't asleep at the keyboard.

Maelstrom finally witnessed what I've referred to as "Star Trek - Non Sequitur." I say that because it does not follow "Trek," reason, the mythology, sense, Roddenberry's vision, and so on.

Another name I applied to Abram's reboot nonsense was "Star Trek Serenity Wars," as it looks (and acts) too much like everything else to maintain the name "Star Trek." The lines have been blurred...and not in a good way.

But here's the link to follow. (Caution - Some Naughty Language Is In Use Here.)

They Do Have Movie Theaters In Arkansas, Don't They?

This is something I deal with constantly -- "Arkansas, really?"

It is a generic question that seems to apply for just about anything, it seems. The most the "outside world" knows of Arkansas is limited to Bill Clinton, Wal-Mart, tornado damage, and a vast stretch of land no one really cares about.

So we had some nut job a few years back who listened to some hellfire and brimstone sermon who got off her duff and demanded my former high school hide all copies of
"Harry Potter" behind the librarian's desk, as if it was offensive or pornographic.

(No, I'm not making this up.)

I think Arkansas is also known for the Arkansas Razorback's athletics department up in Fayetteville, and that's probably the last on the very short list of what people know and recognize about my state.

Oh yeah, and Billy Bob Thornton. And there the list ends.

But you know what? I'm here too. I may endure dial-up internet connections and the big business of discount prices, but I'm very glad to say I'm not one of them.

I don't have a Southern accent. My former Humanities instructor, mentor, and friend once asked me "did you learn how to speak watching the national news?"

No, I've always had this verbal style. I also have my degrees, and a healthy interest in storytelling. If you'd make a comparison to my literary style, you'd possible argue I'm comparable to those wizards out at Pixar, mixed in with the honesty and style Peter Jackson and his cohorts put forth in "Lord of the Rings."

I'm not saying I'm as good as them, but then again I'm also not trying to compete with them. Although I'd would like the chance to prove such a comparison correct.

I don't try to recreate this, emulate that, or follow X trend. In fact, I do the exact opposite. If vampires are popular, I will avoid them like the plague. (I do have a vampire movie, but I refuse to promote it now in an effort to "cash in" on said trend.)

I've cut my teeth for several years in and out of the classroom, plus I'm also the man that was called upon twice to put together short promotional films for my former college. I was also brought in once (unofficially, of course) to help shake out the structure of a scripted presentation my former mentor was giving concerning the gardens of Versailles.

If anyone doubts my abilities, please do so only after you've read one of my actual spec scripts. Just because I prefer to live here amongst the rolling hills and the vast green lands of a state the Weather Channel barely acknowledges doesn't mean that I'm not here with my own unique voice or something wonderful to contribute to the "outside world" as well.

I hope (and expect) to surprise you. After all, it's the things that come out of nowhere that literally take you by surprise. And, let's face it, there is no place that is more commonly ignored than rural Arkansas in this modern world.

PS - Yes, they do have movie theaters here. There's a state of the art cinema just fifteen miles away from where I currently sit.

Clearing Up The Confusion

I just realized that, inadvertently, I may have muddied the waters concerning "Life and Times of Igor."

In earlier blog posts, I openly state my distaste for reboots, re-envisionings, and remakes. But then I state "Igor" is a takeoff of the Frankenstein story, plus all the other classic literary figures and such.

So am I saying one thing and doing the other? No -- at least not in my opinion.

Think of it in terms of its original intention -- parody. Think "Weird Al" Yankovic parodies, not "Scary Movie, Disaster Movie, Date Movie, etc" parodies.

There IS a distinction: "Airplane," "Hot Shots," and "Naked Gun" are the golden age of these kinds of movies, then it all went to hell with "Scary Movie 2" and fell fast. Then it was absolutely casual brilliance with its own definitive stories, now it's just Take This, Add That, Mix In Some Of This, and voila: we have a piece of fluff that desperately attempts to make you laugh, but fails completely.

Yeah it's all my opinion, but someone needs to make these distinctions. There used to be real inspiration in these movies...and now its as if we're just picking apart movie trailers and piecing them together to just get a new product out there.

But "Igor" doesn't follow even the old ideals of Zucker\Abrams\Zucker. That style of humor died a long time ago, and even the Zucker's can't get it right these days, I'm sad to say.

Parody, just genuine parody. These distinctions are easily understood at Mania, but it's more of a gray area outside of the well versed mind.

I hope this cleans up those muddy waters.

Also, as I've used up every agent in California for "Sweet Dreams," I've decided to send it North as well.