It's Thursday.
I started my "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story" promotions Monday.
I go away for half the day to spend time with an old friend, and I take a casual moment to look at Mania today to see if it's been updated since 6:30 this morning.
And what do I find? Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" is being adapted for television.
Hell, I just don't know anymore.
PS - I was asked why does this bother me so?
It's simple: I've always tried to do what no one else was doing and had some good fortune at finding things no one else was touching -- and the instant I'd send mine out, from right out of nowhere would come an announcement that someone else in the biz was fast tracking their project.
So I'd simply abandon mine. I've no interest in being a copycat.
It's just annoying and has been for the last six years.
The biggest problem with Hollywood has been "everything has to be like everything else," which is what throttled the Abrams reboot of "Star Trek."
I follow my own guiding star(s), not what everyone else does.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Like A Star Sneaking In Through The Cracks Of The Nighttime
It has been a very long time since I've updated or seen about the task of maintaining this blog, and now that I visit it this morning the cold, rabid bite of my last entry's timestamp reminds me of why I've been absent.
Three days after my last posting my dad died. Only now am I returning to this blog, but only with the following statements:
After having been made a Featured Blogger on Mania's website by its administrator, I've decided that this site won't be updated as often as it used to be, except in cases when it needs to serve as a failsafe site OR if I go outside the usual Mania boundaries.
Most of you already are aware that my profile and blog can be found at the following address: http://www.mania.com/StarlightGuard/blog.html
Since I'm attempting to do my part in resurrecting my fellow Maniacs' interest in the notion of blogging\reviewing\bitching I'll be focusing my attention there. Maelstrom will return one day (hopefully), Karas is thinking of pitching in her TV reviews, and maybe Bob can start sticking his You've Got Geek On You podcasts links back into the entries which have been overrun by spam as of late.
I will be checking in on this blog to test links and such just to make sure they're still active. As for my old myspace page, I'm just going to let it sit there collecting dust as it retains vital information and blogs from that era as well, but don't expect any updates there either.
Another night has fallen, another day is dawning.
And life goes on as best as it can...
Three days after my last posting my dad died. Only now am I returning to this blog, but only with the following statements:
After having been made a Featured Blogger on Mania's website by its administrator, I've decided that this site won't be updated as often as it used to be, except in cases when it needs to serve as a failsafe site OR if I go outside the usual Mania boundaries.
Most of you already are aware that my profile and blog can be found at the following address: http://www.mania.com/StarlightGuard/blog.html
Since I'm attempting to do my part in resurrecting my fellow Maniacs' interest in the notion of blogging\reviewing\bitching I'll be focusing my attention there. Maelstrom will return one day (hopefully), Karas is thinking of pitching in her TV reviews, and maybe Bob can start sticking his You've Got Geek On You podcasts links back into the entries which have been overrun by spam as of late.
I will be checking in on this blog to test links and such just to make sure they're still active. As for my old myspace page, I'm just going to let it sit there collecting dust as it retains vital information and blogs from that era as well, but don't expect any updates there either.
Another night has fallen, another day is dawning.
And life goes on as best as it can...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Told Ya So
So I open this morning's newspaper, head straight for the comics, and after turning one page I read "Pickles."
The first two panels confirm what I've been saying since late August of 2007 -- the Sandman is an entity we've left untapped for a long time, which is part of the reason I wrote "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story."
A pile of envelopes went out yesterday for "Summertime Blues." Another will be leaving for "Sweet Dreams" in the near future.
Take notice -- just like with my Igor\Frankenstein\B-movie monster parody series "Life and Times of Igor," I again stumbled upon something modern day America is just waking up to.
And, again, it's always someone else with connections that gets noticed first.
2004 for Igor's antics, 2007 for the Sandman.
I'm not saying I'm psychic, I just happen to have fallen into the right place ahead of time, and was completely trampled on in the rush by everyone else catching up.
The first two panels confirm what I've been saying since late August of 2007 -- the Sandman is an entity we've left untapped for a long time, which is part of the reason I wrote "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story."
A pile of envelopes went out yesterday for "Summertime Blues." Another will be leaving for "Sweet Dreams" in the near future.
Take notice -- just like with my Igor\Frankenstein\B-movie monster parody series "Life and Times of Igor," I again stumbled upon something modern day America is just waking up to.
And, again, it's always someone else with connections that gets noticed first.
2004 for Igor's antics, 2007 for the Sandman.
I'm not saying I'm psychic, I just happen to have fallen into the right place ahead of time, and was completely trampled on in the rush by everyone else catching up.
Game Over -- Continue?
It's 2010.
In the fall of 1999 I started this game. Fall of last year I reached a major burnout point and shut the game off.
I went back to work in the factory where I spent a few summers and, two nights in, was injured. It's the first time I ever had to quit a job. That was December, and I'm still dealing with the after effects.
So after a lot of rest, some medication, and a general reassessment of how I handle my life I've decided to return to the game.
As usual, I don't expect to win, but as long as you keep playing you'll find you get better and, one day, you too can save the princess. Or the blue eyed boy. Whichever you prefer.
So this is the reason for my absence, and why my MySpace and this particular blog site needs a facelift, both visually and in output. I even had to slow down at Mania, but I stay in touch with my fellow Maniacs. My Facebook site stays active, though I won't let the general public in for that.
So promotions will begin again for "Summertime Blues," "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story," and others as they are completed.
The pace here will be a slower one than in the past. But, in the meantime, here's a few things I've recently come across you could potentially enjoy:
Maburaho - The Magic Collection (anime)
Newcastle (indie flick)
You've Got Geek On You (podcast featuring friend and fellow Maniac Bob "The Movie Lord" Trate)
And, since they're a lot of fun, I'll supply links to my "Twilight" parody blog entries from Mania. I'll even include Maelstrom's, since he's hilarious as well.
A final note -- as Mania now features a profanity filter, whenever any entry is naughty by nature it will appear here, and a link to said entry will be provided at Mania. Said filter was instituted not to keep us from using bad words, it was designed to keep the porn spammers out.
The Maniacs have found creative ways around this by swearing in new and interesting ways.
--Starlight out.
New Moon Parody: Little Red Riding Bella Meets The Big Bad Wolf (links included for "Jacob Unleashed" and Maelstrom's "Midsummer Twilight Sex Scene")
Twilight Parody
In the fall of 1999 I started this game. Fall of last year I reached a major burnout point and shut the game off.
I went back to work in the factory where I spent a few summers and, two nights in, was injured. It's the first time I ever had to quit a job. That was December, and I'm still dealing with the after effects.
So after a lot of rest, some medication, and a general reassessment of how I handle my life I've decided to return to the game.
As usual, I don't expect to win, but as long as you keep playing you'll find you get better and, one day, you too can save the princess. Or the blue eyed boy. Whichever you prefer.
So this is the reason for my absence, and why my MySpace and this particular blog site needs a facelift, both visually and in output. I even had to slow down at Mania, but I stay in touch with my fellow Maniacs. My Facebook site stays active, though I won't let the general public in for that.
So promotions will begin again for "Summertime Blues," "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story," and others as they are completed.
The pace here will be a slower one than in the past. But, in the meantime, here's a few things I've recently come across you could potentially enjoy:
Maburaho - The Magic Collection (anime)
Newcastle (indie flick)
You've Got Geek On You (podcast featuring friend and fellow Maniac Bob "The Movie Lord" Trate)
And, since they're a lot of fun, I'll supply links to my "Twilight" parody blog entries from Mania. I'll even include Maelstrom's, since he's hilarious as well.
A final note -- as Mania now features a profanity filter, whenever any entry is naughty by nature it will appear here, and a link to said entry will be provided at Mania. Said filter was instituted not to keep us from using bad words, it was designed to keep the porn spammers out.
The Maniacs have found creative ways around this by swearing in new and interesting ways.
--Starlight out.
New Moon Parody: Little Red Riding Bella Meets The Big Bad Wolf (links included for "Jacob Unleashed" and Maelstrom's "Midsummer Twilight Sex Scene")
Twilight Parody
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Just Like Joe Eszterhas
Once upon an evening encounter, two individuals brought me in to review my abilities (or possible lack thereof) when it came to my literary aspirations and rhetorical competency. They said, basically, I had very little talent to display -- I immediately turned the table before them over and left in a huff.
A few moments later, I was approached by one of them who made a confession: "Sorry about that, we were just trying to make you angry." Their reasoning was that I was in a somewhat dry period, and fresh water (not to mention furious blood) needed to flow through me because, in essence, I "write better" when I'm angry.
I told them to never do that again, and I hold that over their heads every so often. They haven't tried such tactics again.
Another infusion of fresh blood has been coming, as recently I've been so worn down from the factory experience, not to mention other forces going on within and without. I've been pushed to the very edge of the desert and sank my fangs into the sands to try to get some nourishment from it, which displays the lengths I've found myself going to as of the last few years.
Normally I turn to music (usually fresh, new music) to refill the gray matter in my head. I respond much more easily to music, so I headed to Best Buy and bought Euro-pop sensation Mika's albums: "Life in Cartoon Motion" and "The Boy Who Knew Too Much."
Wow.
I'm totally envious of this guy -- his manic energy and sugary pop persona is precisely what I was like in high school. I'm considering finding him and marrying him because I, like a vampire, need to feed off such energy to sustain myself.
So, until I can claim him as my own (apparently homosexuality is a requirement in Hollywood -- you're about to get the proof of it), another source of madness needed to be uncovered. Then along comes a book I found -- "The Devil's Guide To Hollywood" by Joe Eszterhas.
It's brilliant.
And here's a few helpful selections I love from my constant skimming of this volume:
You'll need to ward off evil spirits. - pg 69
When he was a young director, Marty Scorsese wore a gold talisman to keep evil spirits at bay, as well as an American Indian pouch filled with holy objects.
You don't want to get in a creative disagreement with a Scientologist. - pg 77
(and)
You don't want to mess with that E-meter either. - pg 77 - 78
(and)
Or you can join the Church of Scientology. - pg 186
Just pick up the book to read those entries. They're great...and long.
Get in touch with your feminine side. - pg 71
"The only good artists are feminine," said Orson Welles. "I don't believe an artist exists whose dominant characteristic is not feminine. It's nothing to do with homosexuality, but intellectually an artist must be a man with feminine aptitudes."
(Note - Maybe this explains why I've had the "brilliant" label thrown upon me several times. It might also explain why I understand "Twilight," and why I'm sometimes confused for...well...not being male. Or maybe I'm just a whore and will take anything I can get.)
You might want to try gay porn. - pg. 358
Screenwriter/novelist Gigi Grazer: "Writers, or any artists, should constantly be reinventing themselves, whatever that means --plays to screenplays to novels and back again, or second wife to mistress to third wife to gay porn, whatever works. Life feeds us. If we stagnate, there is no material."
(Note - I've tried it all -- even porn. Yes, even the type that didn't feature those of the female persuasion. You don't have to write the specifics, just the dialogue and they will either make up the "positions" and such on set or see what happens.
So, why did I try such an career path? My reasoning was "even the adult industry needs writers, even if its actors are playing knock knock, boom boom." That was the most recent WGA strike.
True to form, I was turned down, or flat out ignored, by pretty much everyone. Everyone, that is, except a lone male performer who recently started his own little studio devoted to himself and other male performers. The response was great...and then nothing came of it, no pun intended.
At least I can say, professionally, the girls at Digital Playground,. Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick all turned me down.)
Just say the fucking words! - pg. 326
Faye Dunaway asked Roman Polanski about her character's motivation in Chinatown. Roman said, "say the fucking words! Your salary is your motivation."
Who the hell is Hedy Lamarr? - pg . 327
Hedy Lamarr: "I enjoyed the location trips to desert towns in Arizona. The nights were mellow and romantic. Making love out of doors is so much more thrilling. Add a cowboy who never heard of Hedy Lamarr and the situation is ideal."
Swimming pool scenes are fine. - pg. 1 42
Louis B. Mayer: "You'd be surprised how tits figure in a hit movie."
Cover your own ass. - pg. 144
Cover yourself. Before each sex scene write, "It is dark; you can't see clearly" -- just in case the director wants to shoot your script as an NC-17 or "a deep R"...and blames you for pornography if the movie fails.
You're asking for trouble if you write a scene with male frontal nudity. - pg. 144
Director Jean - Jacques Annaud: "The penis is a terrible, terrible actor. It is an actor who overacts."
But you can go absolutely apeshit on the violence. - pg. 145
Director Phillip Noyce, discussing Sliver: "The MPAA have a phobia about seeing people joined together in lovemaking. So they wanted us to cut down on the amount of material where Sharon and Billy seemed to truly be coupling. I would cut it and they would say, 'No, no, no still too much.' I would try cutting it again. 'No. no, no still too much' -- and this went on endlessly. Yet in any film that I have made in the U.S., there has never been any discussion with censors about violence.
Directors are feminists. - pg. 248
Sam Peckinpah: "Women have very complicated plumbing that I'm fascinated with."
Another romantic director... - pg. 248
Director Blake Edwards said about his wife, Julie Andrews, "She has lilacs for pubic hairs.
Murder is always an option. - pg. 275
At 3:30 AM, screenwriter Budd Schulberg's wife awoke, to find him not in bed.
He was in the bathroom, shaving.
She said, "why are you shaving so early?"
He said, "because I'm driving to New York to kill the producer."
But he (David Geffen) obviously wanted to fuck Tom Cruise. - pg. 276
After he read the script of Risky Business, producer David Geffen told the director, " I want you to cast someone in the role of Joel that I would want to fuck."
All Hail Doug Kenney! - pg. 284
Doug Kenney, the screenwriter of Caddyshack, hated the poster for the movie so much that he confronted studio head Mike Medavoy outside his office and the two wound up grappling on the ground.
The poster was changed.
Actors are so very sensitive. - pg. 306
Sharon (Stone) went up to the Basic Instinct cinematographer with a gun in hand and waved it in his face.
"If I see one ounce of cellulite on-screen," she said, "you're a dead mother fucker."
Actors will do anything to upstage one another. - pg 307
Zero Mostel always ate a big dish of black beans and onions before the premier of a play he was appearing in. He did that so he could fart easier (and louder and smellier) to distract the other actors.
Don't write any John Wayne-type parts. - pg. 139
With the exception of Russell Crow and Mel Gibson, there are few stars able to play supermacho parts today. Many of Hollywood's top male movie stars are either bisexual or gay. If they're not bisexual or gay, their feminine sides overpower their manhood. Look at how Orlando Bloom and Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt failed, respectively, in Kingdom of Heaven, Alexander, and Troy.
A Final Thought -- Hanso, meet me behind the Wal-Mart Supercenter. A man's gotta learn these skills somewhere, and preferably before entering California's film industry.
Why?
Because as the book states, the fucking you want isn't going to be the fucking you get.
PS - What was I like in high school? Here, see for yourself --
Mika - "We Are Golden"
That, in essence, was me. Only geekier. And not nearly as visually pleasing to the feminine eye.
A few moments later, I was approached by one of them who made a confession: "Sorry about that, we were just trying to make you angry." Their reasoning was that I was in a somewhat dry period, and fresh water (not to mention furious blood) needed to flow through me because, in essence, I "write better" when I'm angry.
I told them to never do that again, and I hold that over their heads every so often. They haven't tried such tactics again.
Another infusion of fresh blood has been coming, as recently I've been so worn down from the factory experience, not to mention other forces going on within and without. I've been pushed to the very edge of the desert and sank my fangs into the sands to try to get some nourishment from it, which displays the lengths I've found myself going to as of the last few years.
Normally I turn to music (usually fresh, new music) to refill the gray matter in my head. I respond much more easily to music, so I headed to Best Buy and bought Euro-pop sensation Mika's albums: "Life in Cartoon Motion" and "The Boy Who Knew Too Much."
Wow.
I'm totally envious of this guy -- his manic energy and sugary pop persona is precisely what I was like in high school. I'm considering finding him and marrying him because I, like a vampire, need to feed off such energy to sustain myself.
So, until I can claim him as my own (apparently homosexuality is a requirement in Hollywood -- you're about to get the proof of it), another source of madness needed to be uncovered. Then along comes a book I found -- "The Devil's Guide To Hollywood" by Joe Eszterhas.
It's brilliant.
And here's a few helpful selections I love from my constant skimming of this volume:
You'll need to ward off evil spirits. - pg 69
When he was a young director, Marty Scorsese wore a gold talisman to keep evil spirits at bay, as well as an American Indian pouch filled with holy objects.
You don't want to get in a creative disagreement with a Scientologist. - pg 77
(and)
You don't want to mess with that E-meter either. - pg 77 - 78
(and)
Or you can join the Church of Scientology. - pg 186
Just pick up the book to read those entries. They're great...and long.
Get in touch with your feminine side. - pg 71
"The only good artists are feminine," said Orson Welles. "I don't believe an artist exists whose dominant characteristic is not feminine. It's nothing to do with homosexuality, but intellectually an artist must be a man with feminine aptitudes."
(Note - Maybe this explains why I've had the "brilliant" label thrown upon me several times. It might also explain why I understand "Twilight," and why I'm sometimes confused for...well...not being male. Or maybe I'm just a whore and will take anything I can get.)
You might want to try gay porn. - pg. 358
Screenwriter/novelist Gigi Grazer: "Writers, or any artists, should constantly be reinventing themselves, whatever that means --plays to screenplays to novels and back again, or second wife to mistress to third wife to gay porn, whatever works. Life feeds us. If we stagnate, there is no material."
(Note - I've tried it all -- even porn. Yes, even the type that didn't feature those of the female persuasion. You don't have to write the specifics, just the dialogue and they will either make up the "positions" and such on set or see what happens.
So, why did I try such an career path? My reasoning was "even the adult industry needs writers, even if its actors are playing knock knock, boom boom." That was the most recent WGA strike.
True to form, I was turned down, or flat out ignored, by pretty much everyone. Everyone, that is, except a lone male performer who recently started his own little studio devoted to himself and other male performers. The response was great...and then nothing came of it, no pun intended.
At least I can say, professionally, the girls at Digital Playground,. Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick all turned me down.)
Just say the fucking words! - pg. 326
Faye Dunaway asked Roman Polanski about her character's motivation in Chinatown. Roman said, "say the fucking words! Your salary is your motivation."
Who the hell is Hedy Lamarr? - pg . 327
Hedy Lamarr: "I enjoyed the location trips to desert towns in Arizona. The nights were mellow and romantic. Making love out of doors is so much more thrilling. Add a cowboy who never heard of Hedy Lamarr and the situation is ideal."
Swimming pool scenes are fine. - pg. 1 42
Louis B. Mayer: "You'd be surprised how tits figure in a hit movie."
Cover your own ass. - pg. 144
Cover yourself. Before each sex scene write, "It is dark; you can't see clearly" -- just in case the director wants to shoot your script as an NC-17 or "a deep R"...and blames you for pornography if the movie fails.
You're asking for trouble if you write a scene with male frontal nudity. - pg. 144
Director Jean - Jacques Annaud: "The penis is a terrible, terrible actor. It is an actor who overacts."
But you can go absolutely apeshit on the violence. - pg. 145
Director Phillip Noyce, discussing Sliver: "The MPAA have a phobia about seeing people joined together in lovemaking. So they wanted us to cut down on the amount of material where Sharon and Billy seemed to truly be coupling. I would cut it and they would say, 'No, no, no still too much.' I would try cutting it again. 'No. no, no still too much' -- and this went on endlessly. Yet in any film that I have made in the U.S., there has never been any discussion with censors about violence.
Directors are feminists. - pg. 248
Sam Peckinpah: "Women have very complicated plumbing that I'm fascinated with."
Another romantic director... - pg. 248
Director Blake Edwards said about his wife, Julie Andrews, "She has lilacs for pubic hairs.
Murder is always an option. - pg. 275
At 3:30 AM, screenwriter Budd Schulberg's wife awoke, to find him not in bed.
He was in the bathroom, shaving.
She said, "why are you shaving so early?"
He said, "because I'm driving to New York to kill the producer."
But he (David Geffen) obviously wanted to fuck Tom Cruise. - pg. 276
After he read the script of Risky Business, producer David Geffen told the director, " I want you to cast someone in the role of Joel that I would want to fuck."
All Hail Doug Kenney! - pg. 284
Doug Kenney, the screenwriter of Caddyshack, hated the poster for the movie so much that he confronted studio head Mike Medavoy outside his office and the two wound up grappling on the ground.
The poster was changed.
Actors are so very sensitive. - pg. 306
Sharon (Stone) went up to the Basic Instinct cinematographer with a gun in hand and waved it in his face.
"If I see one ounce of cellulite on-screen," she said, "you're a dead mother fucker."
Actors will do anything to upstage one another. - pg 307
Zero Mostel always ate a big dish of black beans and onions before the premier of a play he was appearing in. He did that so he could fart easier (and louder and smellier) to distract the other actors.
Don't write any John Wayne-type parts. - pg. 139
With the exception of Russell Crow and Mel Gibson, there are few stars able to play supermacho parts today. Many of Hollywood's top male movie stars are either bisexual or gay. If they're not bisexual or gay, their feminine sides overpower their manhood. Look at how Orlando Bloom and Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt failed, respectively, in Kingdom of Heaven, Alexander, and Troy.
A Final Thought -- Hanso, meet me behind the Wal-Mart Supercenter. A man's gotta learn these skills somewhere, and preferably before entering California's film industry.
Why?
Because as the book states, the fucking you want isn't going to be the fucking you get.
PS - What was I like in high school? Here, see for yourself --
Mika - "We Are Golden"
That, in essence, was me. Only geekier. And not nearly as visually pleasing to the feminine eye.
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