What Are You Laughing At?

The proper question should possibly read "are you even laughing at all?"

Thank you, World Health Organization, for dragging me back into a bleak, hilarity lacking world.

It only makes me want to spin comedic yarns even more, because I need to tell them just as much those around me need to hear them.

Laughter is an escape, and given current world trends, we'll desperately need something to laugh at.

But who will provide it? Comedy movies haven't been very "comedic" as of late. Sure Jim Carrey's "Yes Man" was a return to form, Kevin Smith gave us "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," and...well, that's about it.

Oh yeah, "Paul Blart - Mall Cop" is a contender, but since I was unable to get to the theater to see it, I can't judge it as being funny or not, even though I admit I'm willing to get it on DVD so you can tell I'm leaning towards the funny side.

Then there's Seth Rogen - a nice enough guy, and he is conversationally funny, but that's about it. I state "conversationally funny" because it's a different type of material, where two or three people are just hanging out, making instantly funny, yet quickly forgettable jokes.

I have my conversationally funny moments -- and they're nowhere near as funny as the sketches or scenarios I've written in the past.

We've also had a lot of the over polished, run of the mill, by the numbers teen sex comedies which really aren't that funny to begin with: "Sex Drive," and "Fired Up!" come to mind. It's like all the funny ideas are ran through a calculator, made to equal a particular number, and when the solution is made clear, the laughs are supposed to happen.

Well that's not happening.

There's no presentation in comedy anymore -- and this I know for experience.

In high school, to be taken seriously as a person (i.e. diffusing situations) I lashed out with my wicked style of humor, which finally earned me respect I didn't have with the overall population while I also managed to assert myself creatively in ways that simply weren't possible.

Nothing is rougher than high school, especially if you're just a 90 pound kid, six feet high, known for mastering video games and a peculiar love for cheese. The "white" Steve Urkel is what I was called. It's a fair cop.

But I wasn't alone, I had two others that were just as crazy as I. But I was the more flamboyant one.

When my 10 year reunion came back in '06, the old twitch (that never really went away) came to the forefront of my mind: "Weird Al" Yankovic had his hit "White and Nerdy" at that time, so I toiled with the idea of coming in, boombox in hand, blaring said song, while dressed up as the whitest gangsta rapper Arkansas had ever known.

I would then proceed to sing the entire song, while meeting and greeting everyone from days gone by.

It never happened...but I should've done it.

I also should've attended my prom (which I didn't) dressed up as "The Mask:" green face, yellow zoot suit, and all.

Two of my friends similarly had the notion to dress up like the guys in "Dumb and Dumber:" light blue and orange suits, matching walking sticks, and all.

That didn't happen either.

We were teenagers, we didn't have that kind of money...or any at all, which kept us from living out our fantasies.

Presentation is everything, you literally have to be a madman to break the monotony of life. Conversational humor won't do it, which is why Seth Rogen (and Judd Apatow's) movies cannot illicit a true lung busting laugh from yours truly.

No one is rolling on the floor laughing at anything anymore. I used to find myself, laughing so hard with tears streaming down my face, pounding my fist into the floor at the movies we used to get.

And I miss that experience. It's one I only get when I'm writing my own material (because it is a throwback to those days when comedy was actually funny) and, of course, Michael Xavier Maelstrom who is a fellow blogger at Mania.

The man is brilliant. He's also insane.

He obviously realized presentation, and the willingness to go far beyond the safety barriers, is what it takes to be genuinely funny. His blogs are the funniest I've read (no matter how serious they are in tone) and they are the only other source of material out there that can bring about the phenomenon of laughing so hard that it hurts, while tears of joy just wash down my face.

There's a potential for collaboration here, but it has to be like the experiences I had in high school: two half crazed people, looking at the world, knowing it's a screwed up place, standing up in defiance of it while declaring war on it with his "Mystery Apparatus" and the destructive "Butterscotch Catapult."

Any man that can come up with weaponry like that should be made a saint. That's all I'm saying.

I silently suspect if such a partnership arose, it would definitely burn bright and energetic, in the same style of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again," which we both love dearly, coupled with the styles of Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, and Steve Martin, with a raw naughtiness unseen since "Porky's" was last seen flickering of a movie screen back in the 80's.

There are no funny movie trailers or concepts on the horizon....except for the possibility of a "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" sequel, which I dearly loved.

There really isn't anything truly inventive on the television set anymore...except maybe "Dollhouse," which I cannot see as I do not have a Fox Affiliate I can tune in, and "Eureka" used to be brilliant, but I fear its becoming a victim of its own success.

But those shows aren't really comedies, per se.

Thankfully, we do have Lewis Black, Jeff Dunham, Kathy Griffin, and John Pinette. But they haven't actually starred in any blockbuster comedies lately.

Comedic movies, like my own "Summertime Blues," need to have a wicked attitude, a Cheshire cat grin, and the nerves to stand up and flip off the establishment and the social norms while belting out Italian Operas while also dressed up in blue Speedos, swimming fins, a snorkel, and tuxedo jacket complete with tails and top hat .

Comedies literally have to have the cajones to be brash, loud, fast, and absolutely off the wall, just like we used to see in the mid 90's. It's a proven formula, and along with a certain naughty inventiveness, some of us could truly create something the world has never seen before that won't simply be quoted, it'll be emulated.

Quoting movies is nice, but it then becomes conversational humor. Acting like a maniac while throwing yourself whole heartedly into the material is where American comedies should be going.

We need trailblazers, and I absolutely consider myself one of them in this jungle. No one else is going to do it, no one else really understands it, and you can't really describe it to others, so you might as well just show off what you can do and, like me, watch them keep coming back for more.

So what are you laughing at?

I'm laughing at my own jokes and sketches: they're ten years old, and they haven't lost their comedic sting in a decade. They are timeless, just like "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective," "The Mask," "Liar Liar," "Bowfinger," and "Austin Powers."

I'm laughing at Maelstrom's blogs, namely "The Chronicles of Sarah Palin" and "Tokyo Stomp" which we both devised quite by accident.

I'm still laughing at my old sketches like "The Remains of Babe Ruth" and "There's A Penguin In My Trousers!"

Hell I'm still laughing at all the crap I wrote in high school.

And I plan to keep on writing everything that delivers a right hook to current comedy standards, because they need to be knocked down. I plan on dreaming big while the world worries about all the possibilities of things that can kill us.

I'm not afraid to proclaim that there truly is no one out there as inventive as we are, Maelstrom. Not by a long shot.

Now, if you'll excuse us, the Mystery Apparatus needs to be oiled.

(It does use oil, right Maelstrom?)

PS - Come on Hollywood, not only do I need to do this as I have always done (and always will continued to do so) but the world needs something to laugh at to take its mind off all our collective troubles.

Film it, and they will come...by the millions.

Of this I'm very, very certain. And that's a statement I'll risk fifteen years of writing and performing experience, and an untold amount of friends (both real and online) upon.

The audience, (my audience) already exists. It has only grown bigger since I left high school, and it continues to grow. I'm laying my reputation on the line, and I know with absolute certainty that I will be victorious.

Staying Ahead, Yet Falling Behind In Hollywood

I'm a masochist. That must be it.

So in previous blogs I've stated what my "Life and Times of Igor" project has been about, the difficulties it's faced, and so on.

I even posted an entry with a link to the article at Mania which shot me down again.

But now I typed in "I, Frankenstein" into Google and saw my envisioned world crash down again.

The page was filled with news items on their movie, their upcoming comic book, and with absolutely no way for me to get a script in edgewise.

So the CGI animated "Igor" movie bombs, now this.

But what really stings is this quote:

"I don't know of any other projects past or present that gives you the chance, in a single movie, to re-invent the 'MOST CULT CREATURES OF ALL TIME'. All of this in a very unique, dark and stylistic world. I would never pass on such an opportunity," says Tatopoulos.

Well, I do - the very same project I've had since 2005.

Oh well.

The saying is true -- it doesn't matter what you know, it's who you know.

And there are countless people out there that know of my story (at Mania), yet the rest of the world won't.

Oh well, again.

That's life in this business.

--UPDATED!!!--

Last night I concocted an evil scheme to stay ahead, even if I can't get "Life and Times of Igor" out there.

I'm officially no longer promoting the actual project...but I have POSTED it (or what would've been the comic book script, which also would've become the first hour in the three part mini-series of the same name.

So here's it is fans and fiends:

http://thelifeandtimesofigor.blogspot.com/

Follow the labels off to the side, as they denote Parts 1 through 5.

I'll work on figuring out how to arrange them in the reverse order eventually...I hope.

The Passion of Chris

Let's discuss experiences in failure in my screenwriting quest, with a project I accidentally created in 2004.

But first let's rewind to 2004.

This was the year Janet Jackson's warm, round, Hershey Kisses shaped breast was exposed to all the world to see, which resulted in a right wing firestorm.

We'd already had two years of loyal Bushies and angry Neo-Cons mucking up the society (much the same way Fox News feels the Obama-ites are doing now), and the undercurrent of electric outrage was alive.

Frankly, I didn't see the fuss.

In fact I went out and found myself as many still images I could of the event.

But that was how the year opened, which led to all those Neo-Cons calling for harder censorship laws, people in Bush's administration trying to criminalize the adult film industry (I know the dude's name, just can't think of him right now), and it seemed the moral majority witch hunt was on.

MTV and VH1 were also suffering from these pitchfork carrying psychos, and I plainly remember a Maroon Five music video becoming censored because it was felt the lead singer and the not entirely clothed female in the video rolling around in bed wasn't pure enough.

Or something to that affect.

They probably just didn't want to risk raising the already inflated ire that burned brightly at the entertainment atmosphere.

Fast forward a few months, and this madness is really kicking in from what I remember. Then, hallelujah, a savior has been filmed and was to be projected upon big screens.

It was called "The Passion of the Christ," an arguably not too well executed movie that brought the Christians in by the pound. The MPAA gave that movie an R-Rating, but Christians kept taking their kids to see something they'd normally rail against if it was any other movie.

My considered rationalization for this was simple: "it's different! This is holy violence!"

Regular violence is evil, holy violence is great: Inquisitions, witch hunts, and nailing a guy to a piece of wood for saying "let's all get along, it'll be great."
Love those crazy Christians.

Now while this is going on, I've started an ongoing joke in my head which went something like: "The Passion of Chris! Feel His Passion!"

And I'd concocted this whole movie poster of this good looking guy tied to a bed, with a seductive smile looking out at the viewer, with a tagline that would describe this particular offering as "Witness The Final 12 Hours Of Chris' Virginity!"

So we've got a charged atmosphere, we've got censorship running crazy, there was great approval of widescreen closeups of nailing some poor dude to a plank of wood, and it all combined with one rather unlikely piece of information: a possible Writer's Guild strike.

I don't know what finally pushed me into writing the script, but one day the right neurons sparked in the perfect arrangement and a whole new story was born.

Now, during all of this, I'd stumbled upon the adult film studio Digital Playground, which had brought the adult genre into the 21'st Century. No longer would adult films be, well, terrible - badly shot, horribly lit, no story, bad acting, terrible use of video instead of film, and so on.

The production quality of one trailer I'd viewed, namely for a features called "Three Timing," said to me "The Valley has caught up with Hollywood. Everything now is possible."

It was clever, it had higher production qualities than the local CBS Affiliate channel, it was in anamorphic widescreen for Chrissakes!

Yeah, the acting was still iffy, but everything else had greatly improved!

So take all these elements, mix them up, and after a bit of research and four days of furious writing, I'd completed a first draft script that was around 100 pages long.

And the story was this: young up and coming writer\director is just about to sign on the dotted line when the WGA does go on strike, and he's out in the cold. Meanwhile, his agent finds him work to pay the bills working on an adult film called, appropriately enough, "The Passion of Chris."

He very reluctantly accepts the gig, finds a very talented actress who, he feels, is wasting her talent in this particular industry, and learns that he has achieved a dream when he originally feels like he's been kicked to the curb.

It's obvious where the jokes come from, but where the heart of the story comes from is a much different place.

In my research, I read both the horror stories and the life affirming stories of adult performers. There was an article how one female performer was asked to visit a fan of hers who was, at that time, in the hospital.

She paid him a visit, gave him an autograph I believe, and was very friendly to this guy who enjoyed her work.

There's an actress who does adult films, yet has a Bachelor's Degree in microbiology, of all things.

It was amazing - it was stunning to me, to be perfectly honest.

Another concept that inspired the ending of my script came from real life as well - a young man once dreamed of becoming a doctor. He watched medical professionals on television, he was interested in the profession, yet he became an actor.

Only later in his life did he become a doctor: Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy.

Yes, Deforest Kelly was that little boy who dreamed of becoming a doctor, and in some surprising twist of fate, he became exactly that as that's what we all remember his as: a doctor.

And that's the question posed to my fictional writer\director: can you be happy where you are, having achieved what you have even if it isn't originally what you conceived of.

The answer was, of course, yes. My fictional character had achieved his dreams, and realized he'd have much more freedom outside of Hollywood, and the adult studio was only too glad to bring him in full time.

There were jokes I didn't get to use in "Passion of Chris," but I saved them for the sequel I never got around to writing: "The Next Temptation of Chris," which was to be about censorship run amuck, and so on.

It also had the jokes of bringing in Norah Jones and Britney Spears, questioning them constantly about their lyrics in a hearing not unlike the ones during the 50's House on Un- American Activities.

The questions were to say "Don't Know Why" was actually about impotence (read the lyrics, you'll get it) and "Baby, One More Time..." was about spousal abuse.

Too bad there was no "If You Seek Amy..." back then.

I wrote "Chris" in four days, as stated above.

I promoted it vigorously.

No one would touch it.

Hell, no one would even return my letters...at all. Not even to say "not interested."

Looking back that's possibly due to the fact the WGA and AMPTP discussions were flaky at best, but even after they were resolved the same cold reception greeted "Chris" on both coasts.

So I let "The Passion of Chris" rest.

I've made no attempts to resurrect it. I will make no further attempts.

It's a funny as hell story, but it has a very serious center to it. It is my biggest failure to date, which is sad because it had so much going for it. It also had something even bigger going against it: time.

2004 and its madness won't come back again...for which I'm deeply thankful, even if I have to scrap an entire screenplay.

And no one will ever know...

And promotions continue for "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story" and "Summertime Blues."

Jarrod's Revenge

Ah, the weekly box office report at Mania.

This week's version includes a gentle ribbing from good old Jarrod.

Of course it is in response to the one I sent him the previous weekend.

Follow the links Jarrod provided and enjoy my pithy comments and his sweet, sweet revenge.

Anonymous Readers (and) Too Much Connectivity?

You have to love anonymous viewers and readers.

Apparently, in the short time I've had this little blog, the profile has been viewed like 300 times. Just when you think "no one's paying attention," you click on the profile you wrote like weeks ago for the first time and see it's quite a healthy number for such a short time.

Maelstrom is used to this over at Mania. He's at...well, I think it's over 19,000 views and it took three years to reach that.

Hanso is over 14,000 I believe, and it may have taken two or three years.

And then I had like 10,000 in something like eight or nine months.

Frankly I have no idea why - I just log in, check my profile page, and was stunned at the number. I normally don't pay attention to such things, which is why I'm surprised when I do look.

Maelstrom pointed out that readers often don't like to provide their comments or views, that they're just happy to see what's going on and leave it at that. I know it bugged the hell out of NotAFan on Mania, which is why he stopped blogging.

In other Mania news, our dear news editor Jarrod seemed awfully glad I'd returned to the usual blogging style I have over there, and we're both hoping Maelstrom himself will return soon.

I also recently joined Facebook, which will also allow me to keep up with friends I haven't seen since high school, and now I even have Jarrod on there as well.

He's a nice guy, go say hi if you come across him.

Jarrod's also another lost soul on Twitter, which makes me wonder "do we have too much connectivity?" I already had three blogs to keep up with before I joined Facebook, now I have a fourth outlet, and there's always the potential to join Twitter.

I'm not really sure I want to, but if it becomes useful in my little networking scheme of global domination then I may sign up...but not now.

The promotions continue...slowly but surely.

We'll get to Hollywood eventually...but until then, Futurama's on to keep me busy.

Ten Years And Counting (and) Curing "Summertime Blues"

You know, I looked up the other day and realized ten years had gone by since the first time I uttered those immortal words: "I want to be a screenwriter."

I find the Ten Years Anniversary keeps popping up. Cosmic coincidence? Who knows.

Other ten years coming to fruition: a decade since a friend and I went to see "Phantom Menace," since I met yet another friend, a third friend is temporarily closing the book on our friendship as she needs to "get away" (which I completely understand), and it's also been a decade since I first purchased "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" and my Nintendo 64.

Oddly enough, I beat LOZ:OT this past weekend.

Now that's how you celebrate a ten year anniversary: by succeeding in something you've never really mastered in these last nine years.

(NOTE: I had to put my gaming fun aside for a few years, plus that damned Water Temple kept kicking my ass. Only last year was it when I started making progress in it again. Now I need myself a copy of "Majora's Mask," and a Wii and "Twilight Princess.")

As for "Summertime Blues," well Eddie Cochran stated you can't necessarily cure the blues themselves, but I'm making my final adjustments to the script which I started, oddly enough, nine years ago. The original draft was written in 2000 and, hopefully, it'll debut next year in order to celebrate it's tenth year anniversary.

I'm now on Facebook, yet I'm not too certain of why - I've already got too many ways of being connected as it is.

Everything You Could Ever Hope For...Again!

Mania blogs are back, baby!

They are a bit off the wagon, and they tend to stumble about in the dark, but at least they're back.

Now, I must say the archiving of the blogs from the past year are terribly out of whack, as they all state the year as 2009, but it's just another glitch to be solved so if you're new to this madness, just remember this: we're nuts, so it makes sense to us.

Here's how to find the past one hundred blogs or so from the previous year:

Step 1. Follow the link off to the right that says "Starlight's Mania Profile."

Step 2. Click the tab that reads BLOG

Step 3. Scroll down and to the right until you see a box that reads BLOG ARCHIVE. There will be a listing of months and the corresponding number of entries per that month.

Step 4. Click whatever you want and have a ball reading it.

Now I will state upfront that there are excerpts from "Summertime Blues," "Life and Times of Igor," "Interesting Times," and so on posted there. I did it to gauge a reaction from the maniacs who would sometimes post comments, but now all the comments (save for the main profile page) are gone.

Another note of caution, sometimes we could get a little blue, so if that offends you, keep in mind you've been notified beforehand.

In these blogs you'll encounter a lot of dead html image links as well, as image embeds somehow got knocked out.

Also, there'll be random assemblages of thoughts concerning the notions of rebooting Superman, Star Trek, and my own thoughts on how to make a third X-Files movie and a Legend of Zelda movie, a plea to bring back Maniac Mansion, and so on.

Plus there's the "Mania Christmas" lyric I composed, in honor of the holidays.

Is that all, Master Starlight?

No, Igor, there's more!

Igor afraid of that.

But what there is left to be discovered has yet to be remembered, but go explore at your own leisure.

Igor do that, Master Starlight.

Good...and, Igor?

Yes, Master Starlight?

Leave that Vanessa Hudgens movie here.

Fine.

Well, now that THAT is out of the way, and given the fact I can revisit all my old blogs that feature Igor, I can get back to work hammering out what should become of this new mini-series.

Igor's Proof Of Resurrection

I'd like to state that, since the news broke yesterday of another Frankenstein spoof both in comics and film, I'd better do more than just state I "did it first."

So I went looking through my files, and found a scan from 2005 which was a reply to one of my original query letters during the earliest days of promoting "The Life and Times of Igor" as a full fledged screenplay.

I will also start looking around in my email account for the very same emails I used as a back and forth between one Bernadette Baker and her Baker's Mark literary agency up in Portland, Oregon as a means of saying "see, I didn't steal it."

As usual, I can't prove if they stole mine either...but at least I have a defensive means should the topic come up.

Also another agent that read a draft of "Igor" back in the 2005/2006 era was from the Stephen Pevner agency that was also located in New York. I am at a loss as to what that individual's name was at this moment.

Yes, I also blocked out my name and address for identity theft issues. Sorry, it can't be helped, besides I'm quite certain you'll understand.

(Although if an agent that I have queried recently asks for this uncensored evidence, they can have it.)



And if the photobucket link doesn't work properly, try this link.

Igor, Here We Go Again...

God this is annoying.

I promote an "Igor" movie in 2005, then I hear they're making one.

In 2007 I promote that same story as a comic, now today I learn an unpublished version that mirrors mine to some degree has made it to Hollywood.

I must be the only person who can not only predict trends, but expand upon them to such a degree to make them bigger than they ever could be, and still not be allowed in.

I'd better check up on who this guy is represented by.

Yeah, I know, other people can have the same idea as you can, Starlight, trust me I've been down this road before. But it's becoming awfully suspicious as of late, I must admit.

Here's the article, in case you think I'm nuts.

--Updated--

Well now that the initial "ah hell" wave of madness has dissipated, I've decided that (as usual) Wiseguy is right. The maniacs were very good to offer support to my project last year while I kept putting up samples of the work.

Wiseguy's the one who was among the most vocal supporters for my "Igor," (as was NotAFan and Maelstrom), and to do battle with this new adaptation means standing up and being dramatically different...by keeping the story the same.

And mine has more characters.

Now I just have to find the appropriate place to put Richard, The Tango Dancing Squirrel which is, of course, one of Dr. Jekyll's other personalities. Him, and the vibrant, blond, and somewhat sexually dubious Simon which is a rip off of Simon Belmont and Van Helsing.

(Note to non gamers - Simon Belmont is the butch guy in skimpy armor last seen in the Castlevania series for the Nintendo and Super Nintendo.)

I've always talked about it, now I'll just flat out put it in:

SIMON
(overly emotional)
I'm a boy! I'm a boy, damn it!

IGOR
Simon say he boy, yet Simon soft like
girl. Pretty too. It confuse Igor.
(then)
Maybe Simon come back to Igor's
place? Rub Igor's hump?

SIMON
Humph!

Simon tosses his long, flowing hair in a very feminine style over his shoulder and storms out.

Let's see...the first third of the script is in pretty good shape, which is something I know for a fact. I will have to look at it again just to clean up any lingering doubts or rough spots, but I'm pretty certain there are few.

The other two thirds will need a little more work, and possibly a good stretching of a few pages here and there, but that won't be too much of a problem. The more Hollywood's antics keep putting Igor down, the more he resurrects himself.

I'll settle for a televised mini-series, just so long as we can still keep up with the manic energy of the story.

And if this incarnation doesn't make it...well, I guess I'll become a novelist.

Just like "Interesting Times," too much work has been put into this project to just let die.

A Brief Message

I just now took it upon myself to add the freelance review I offered to Bier Magazine of the Jim Carrey release "Yes Man."

You can click it now to see it.

And you're probably saying to yourself, "So, Starlight, you had a comfy gig writing movie reviews for a new national magazine. Why'd you give it up?"

The honest truth is, the magazine itself had decided they wouldn't be offering salaries to those contributors who provide material to their publication for at least six months, so I just cut my losses and went about my life.

They get a free movie review, and I get yet another chance to see my name in print.

But it's the last time I provide any amount of work free of charge.

And the promotions continue...

The Life And Times Of An Ongoing Series (Or Two)

I've discussed "Sweet Dreams: A Sandman's Story" openly here, as I'm currently promoting it.

For the better part of 2008, I discussed "The Life and Times of Igor" with several Maniacs regularly as I was, in essence, keeping them up to date with my promotions of the comic book version, finding the agent in Oregon, waiting, waiting, more waiting which saw time being filled with various excerpts posted on the now mostly dead blogs at Mania, some more waiting, and then eventually the Dear Writer letter I received.

But I'm not bitter.

Well, not anymore.

Truthfully, I wasn't bitter then -- exhausted, yes, but not bitter. I'd just squeezed another sixty pages out of a story I'd been writing, rewriting, updating, changing, and polishing since 2004.

A brief, full account of this can be read at my MySpace page, you'll find the link in the "Everything One Could Ever Hope For..." section here. (Please don't laugh at the picture, I'm not too terribly fond of cameras.)

"Life and Times of Igor," amazingly, always resurrects itself somehow, and there's always some new detail I can throw into it, and I'm always amazed how I never thought of that before.

The basic idea of the original screenplay was simple: Dr. Frankenstein gets arrested for dumping toxic waste and Igor, suddenly unemployed, needs a new job. He finds odd jobs in rural Transylvania, Utah, and encounters the Wolfman, Dracula, the Mummy, the Blob, Quasimodo, Lady Esmerelda, a bunch of angry villagers, Dr. Jekyll and, of course, Mr. Hyde.

It's not as complicated as you might think. Think "Van Helsing" only funnier.

And without Van Helsing.

I feel there's still a very good chance for my hunchback story to survive, cause we'll be getting remakes of Dr. Jekyll, Frankenstein, and a few other B - Movie monster stories in the coming years.

I still have the original 120 page screenplay, plus the sixty pages of new material for what would've been the comic book. I'm still kicking around the idea of a mini-series for this, as the material I wrote last year serves as an accidental prequel, detailing Igor's lack of interest in baseball, Victor Frankenstein's lack of interest in the Bearded Lady at the circus where he performs, and so on.

There's also references to a Temple of Scienceology and crazed cult members that Igor brain washes (using a mop and Brain-O) in the bowels of said temple.

Victor runs away from the circus to join Evil Medical School, Igor quits his brain washing gig, and they both encounter each other late one night at some weigh station of life and two destinies converge forever.

That's my Igor story.

Another increasingly growing story I've worked on has the overreaching title of "Interesting Times," and it finally grew to have six episodes, all running at two and a half hours or more.

I should probably detail the birth of "Interesting Times" now in print, as I'm afraid I'll forget it.

Fall 2000

I'd officially become interested in ghosts those autumn months. I'd picked up a book, "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Ghosts And Hauntings," and read through it feverishly. I'd also, interestingly enough, encountered in my French classes a young lady who actively described herself as "Wiccan," along with an interesting person who was actually a victim of poltergeist activity.

"How convenient," I thought. I soon realized there was a term for this: synchronicity. It was as if the forces of the universe itself said Now's Our Chance. Light The Passion And Hold On Tight.

In the fall of 2000, I wrote something like fifteen pages, but had to put it on hold.

Spring 2001

Spring break rolled around, and with a week of nothing to do, I sat down and wrote eighty pages worth of material in five days. I then show it to a person who is still my most trusted literary critic.

She read it, and uttered that famous last word: "sequel."

I railed against her, said she was crazy, and that there was no way in hell I could write a sequel. Doing the first one had driven me crazy as it was.

Up until that time, I basically worked on what was then known as "Once Upon A Midnight Dreary..." for a few months, off and on, while not really taking it too seriously. I'd started promoting what would eventually become "Summertime Blues," and found myself constantly reading any book that seemed legitimate dealing with the supernatural. I read Sylvia Browne, I devoured John Edward, I took comfort in James van Praagh's experiences.

I read countless other books on hauntings, haunted locations, and mysticism.

But I still had no plans for a sequel.

Spring 2002

By this time I knew a lot more about the paranormal world, and realized "Ghostbusters" had gotten it all wrong. I wanted to now make a movie that was, arguably, more realistic than the "ghost in the bedroom" movies Hollywood had been making for countless years.

I'd even found a hook for a sequel, so I started writing what was then called "Shake And Shiver," a sort of homage to Scooby Doo and that phrase which comes from the opening theme song.

I wrote that fairly quickly, and found myself rewriting "Once Upon A Midnight Dreary..." as I was going along.

Then a third one popped up, straight out of nowhere. It was, as originally conceived, to complete the sequence of events which was then thought of as a trilogy. That final episode was to be called "Stranger Things."

From June to December was spent on rewriting those three scripts, plus "Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring" debuted and I was passionately in love with it. It didn't truly influence the material I was working on, but it did truly inspire me creatively.

I kept working, feverishly.

I kept reading, constantly.

Those mysterious forces behind me kept pushing me forward, and I started having the craziest dreams I'd ever had in my lifetime. Mysterious things started happening in my waking life, such as encountering the spirit world in the form of long dead felines I'd once loved.

And I pressed on, like a madman destined to discover new lands he didn't know he was looking for.

2003

Sometime in this year, a fourth movie appeared in my head straight out of the blue. It was to push "Stranger Things" back to number four while this new one was to be called "Amazing Things," and referenced a line from scripture that Jesus speaks. It also dealt with Atlantis.

So now here I was working on a whole new script that came out of nowhere, and suddenly I was working now on four episodes.

I spent that year working on what was then called "Once Upon A Midnight Dreary, "Shake And Shiver," and "Stranger Things" all at once while embracing this new third episode.

I also suffered burnout badly sometime around summer.

But I kept reading.

The rest of the year was devoted to more reading, more writing, more rewriting.

2004

By this time, I believe I'd officially changed the title of "Shake And Shiver" to "Almost Unreal." The name for "Stranger Things" had officially been dropped, and it was temporarily left nameless.

Sometime in this era, I'd also come up with yet another installment, one set in Louisiana that explored Voodoo. I flirted with this idea, then dumped it, but not totally as I would find out later in life.

So the rundown went like this, 1 - "Once Upon A Midnight Dreary," 2 - "Almost Unreal," 3 - "Amazing Things, 4 - fka "Stranger Things," and what would eventually become Part 5 was dreamed up as well, which put the plot details of "Stranger Things" back another episode and the newly vacant four would become a story about voodoo.

September came, and a friend then told me she'd read a little book she'd think I'd like, and it was called "The DaVinci Code."

I was instantly upset, because the game had been radically changed for me. It also inspired a whole new level of historical relevancy to everything I'd been writing about earlier, so delved into whole new territories of study and it lead me to one conclusion:

I needed to do, basically, a page one rewrite of a lot of the stuff that had come before. My parents also just happened to buy me a new computer in that upcoming December, so I had to transfer all my files to the new system, and a new word processor.

All the work I had done, I now felt, was average. It was okay, but it needed a hell of a lot of work to be really, really good to stand up against the now complete trilogy of "Lord of the Rings" and the works of Dan Brown.
So, I went back to the original sources of material I'd had, and flipped what was once called "Once Upon A Midnight Dreary" on its side, taking it from a different angle, and rechristened it "The Fountain of Light.

Then I started having those strange, mysterious dreams again, along with yet another newfound passion and inspiration. "Fountain" took the original story, kept it basically the same, and made it much more profound and, subsequently, changed the entire overreaching basis of the series.

2005

About one month, and 150 pages later, I and my friend who read the very first draft nearly four years earlier were stunned at what had happened. I then set about revising the other scripts.

I started watching entire new documentaries, reading whole new books on history, and Sylvia Browne herself seemed to illuminate all these things I'd conveniently ignored the first go around.

In between these incidents, I took to revising "Summertime Blues" into a more contemporary form, as I'd been working on it for a good five years at that time. And "The Life and Times of Igor" was officially becoming a major player in my life, so all of "Interesting Times" took a sudden backseat.

2006

I kept working on all the above listed projects in some form or another, tweaking here, adding there, revising this, polishing that.

Then, in February, the forgotten idea of doing a voodoo story in Louisiana came back up. It was to become Part Four, and dealt with the devil himself. That spring "What The Devil Made Me Do" became the first script to go through a first draft stage that was so very close to the finished project that I, amazingly enough, felt could've improve on it at all.

Four years later, very little has changed in Episode Four.

When I finished one of the drafts of "Devil Made Me Do" back in '06, I had to deal with "Igor" and "Summertime Blues" some more, and also kept up my research for "Interesting Times."

Now, from here on, the details get sketchy as it's all blended together too seamlessly.

Sometime, now knowing a great deal more about the paranormal, I'd realized the Part 5 script I wanted to write was going to be too big, and the decision was made to cut it into two parts, which effectively left me at a six part series.

A lot of rewriting, reading, revising, and so on has been the norm since that has happened.

And, as of now, I still have no official script for what will become the sixth and final installment of "Interesting Times." I'm polishing up about 30% of Part 1, the same goes for Part 2, and in either 2006 or 2007 I started a Page One rewrite for "Amazing Things."

I wrote sixty new pages...and somehow lost it.

Burnout hit me hard. Very hard. I couldn't make myself write it.

Part 4 is still in 95% excellent condition, and will not change so drastically.

Parts 5 and 6, though, are up in the air, but more so for Part 6 as the script for Part 5 does exist, it's just going to be retitled.

In the spring of 2007, after witnessing a wonderful documentary about vampires, I'd came up with "Unbitten," and tried to give to a friend to write. She wouldn't make the time, so I started writing it.

It was good, but it got harder and harder to write as it progressed. I finished it, and thanked God that it was over. I never touched it again, though I do like it and feel it's not yet finished.

It doesn't need a page one rewrite, but it's not finished either, and I'll worry about that later.

Late summer came about, and then I came up with the idea of "Sweet Dreams - A Sandman's Story." In about two months I'd started from scratch and came up with something truly magical that got me away from everything else I'd worked on for nearly a decade. It came in at 139 pages, and has stayed that way ever since.

That was 2007, and when 2008 rolled around I said to my friend "I've got to finish the series this year. I've just got to, or all the work will be a waste or I'll go out of my head."

I'd set out a schedule to work on it.

I flat out completely failed to do it, and somehow working on "Life and Times of Igor" again.

2009 And Beyond...

There's lots of work yet to be done. I often look at the stack of manuscripts and research materials and get cold feet, yet I'm continuing my research which, fortunately, I scaled back because it was getting too top heavy.

I still swear I'll finish the six part series.

After all, I made a promise to a few individuals it would get done and they like to remind me every so often that I'm not working on it. They didn't push me when I had serious burnout again when the latest version of Igor was returned last October or so, and I thank them for that.

The work will continue, and I will complete it.
But I've learned I can't be rushed, can't be pushed, and it has to all come naturally or else it'll all fall apart.

But I thank the sources of inspiration that leaked the secrets of the series to me over the course of four years because, if I honestly knew back then it'd evolve to such a level of complexity, I would've flat out refused to do it.

As a side note, this may be the final blog entry I make for awhile, at least. There's promotions to write up, mail off, and other things that need to be attended to.

The most recent revisions to "Summertime Blues" are very nearly complete, and then there's what to do with "Life and Times of Igor" as well, but some other things need my attention as well.

So, until next time...happy reading.

Starlight's Plan To Conquer The World...Part II

Part I in my plans of my cinematic vision of world domination detailed how, if I had an agent representing me, I would go about promoting "Sweet Dreams - A Sandman's Story" to a bunch of less than jubilant studio execs and other reptilian suits.

I should add to those previous statements, an unorthodox world premiere in a large, outdoor setting to form, basically, a drive in theater much like the ones we used to see in the 50's.

I admit I don't know how feasible that is, but hell Pixar took to NASCAR (of all the godforsaken places) to debut "Cars." I'm not stating I'd have the power of Pixar and Disney behind me, but I am stating it'd be appropriate and unique to do something quite different.

Also, I'd combine efforts with Cool Bobby B (from the 50's on 5) and we'd compile an album of the best doo wop from the 50's and use it as a sort of secondary release to the official soundtrack.

Now that those plans have been laid out, maybe I should mention what brought me to the here and now - ten years ago I realized I wanted to make it to Hollywood. I was, then, twenty-one.

I'd always been writing or rewriting something, be it for my own personal kicks or for some kind of project (both in high school or college), and I looked upon some of my favorite movies of the day, such as "The Mask," "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," and "Back To The Future," as having the best possible means of getting my often manic vision across.

My philosophy has always been, for better or for worse, that "I can't tell you what it is, I'll just have to show you."

In other words, I could go into a bland description of golf courses exploding, snakes squirming their way into Victoria's Secret, and dirty old men bragging about their favorite conquests in the nursing home.

It sounds fun, but it lacks the actual punch - the sand traps being shot up into the sky, lingerie clad females running out through the mall, and the adventures of Barry and Gary while they tried to make time with the one woman who gave them a sponge bath every day.

So it had to be shown.

At this time, I was also a huge fan of "The Drew Carey Show," which was probably the last great sitcom, as I haven't tuned in one since ABC ran Drew's poor show into the ground. "Friends" went away, and I was glad. Drew's show went away, and I never even noticed, I'm sorry to say.

I'd even taken to writing my own scripts for "The Drew Carey Show," and even writing to Scott Adams about what the procedure is to become a television writer, as he was currently working on the "Dilbert" television show. Adams, who admitted he couldn't accept unsolicited ideas and such, gave me a brief behind the scenes look at the writing process for his show back in those days.

I, hopefully, still have that email. I state "hopefully" as that computer crashed some six years ago, and its sitting in the floor of my bedroom closet waiting to be turned on yet again to see if any remnants still exist within its hard drive.

I never tried writing to Drew Carey after Adams gave me his advice, but I still kept working on those scripts, knowing full well they'd never see the light of day, but I needed the practice.

As I'm in Arkansas, I've had to gather sources from all around me and do the best I can. I'd purchased possibly up to fifteen or twenty different volumes on screenwriting alone, not to mention the others that dealt with filmmaking itself.

I taught myself the craft. I had to, because no one here knew what it entailed.

That was 1999 through the Summer of 2000.

At the end of my Summer semesters, I accepted a project which would see me become an active writer, director, and co-editor of a collegiate promotional film. I recruited, directed, and chose what locations I could to help bring this to life, and presented a rough copy to a panel of suits from all over the campus.

They loved it.

I was then given license to make a second for the upcoming semester, and onward we went.

Now this is a long way from Universal Studios, I admit, but it does show you can take a self taught nobody, put him in a unique position, and prove to himself and others that, yes, I am capable of doing these things.

Then comes the notions of actually going Hollywood, via the New York Film Academy. Apparently, the NYFA offers "crash courses" in filmmaking which lasts anywhere from four to twelve weeks.

The first chance I get, I'm taking a six week stint out to California, which is most agreeable to me as Florida has hurricanes, and if it came to running from them, I'd likely get trampled.

I'm also reviewing J. Michael Straczynski's book "The Complete Book of Screenwriting." Mostly it's the parts on getting and keeping an agent I'm concerned with. That, and the warning signs.

I haven't (yet) been taken for a ride over my nine years of actual writing and promoting, and I've also been read several times. Some wanted to read earlier drafts of "Summertime Blues," several wanted to read "The Life and Times of Igor" (but didn't know what to make of it), and so on.

After a good strong nine years, I think I've realized I can effectively ditch the various Writer's Digest publications that list fewer and fewer screenplay agents. I won't say I wasted a crazy amount of money on these yearly publications because they have proven helpful, I'm just saying it's more economical to get the WGA list of agencies off their website and phone them up for their contacts.

Also, a note on query letters for all those who mass produce envelopes: what the hell happened? I've always had two formats of envelopes available to me, and one would always fit easily inside the other alongside the query letter.

Now I've found that the "standard" 4 1/8" x 9 1/2" is the largest one available at all major retailers, and the puny 3 5/8" x 6 1/2" are the only two options available to me, which leaves me in a quandary - do I use two 4 x 9" envelopes, and just fold one over to fit inside the other, or do I use the 3 x 6" which would require the agent to fold my original letter over to fit in the returned envelope?

Either way, I feel, it's a disaster. Either I submit a letter with an unprofessional appearance, or send a neat and tidy package that requires the agent to be unprofessional.

It's been like this for a year now. No matter where I go, be it Wal-Mart, Office Depot, Walgreens, Target, or any other specialty place you can mention, all I find are the exact same sizes.

And if that's not enough, I find myself waiting for the newest price hike in stamps. Ten years ago I could get a Pepsi from a vending machine for just fifty cents, and in a few years (or less) it'll cost that just to mail one damned letter.

But that's life.

I've survived years of agents, price hikes, loss of properly sized envelopes, and so far haven't fallen for the "okeydoke."

I'm doing pretty well, I must say.

And, though I most likely will not rule the world, I will, at the very least, make it to Hollywood and have the career I've been working so very hard at obtaining for a good decade now.

It's only a matter of time, just like everything else in life.

Starlight's General Theory Of Cinematic Believability

What is reality?

If you'd posed that question to Descartes when he was alive (and you weren't) you might've gotten an answer that could be best summed up thusly: "damned if I know."

We're going to have a second "Transformers" movie debut in the not too distant future. I know this because Jarrod, our beloved news editor at Mania (All Hail Jarrod!) has told us so.

That and the trailer was running on Reelz Channel the other day.

(Quick Note - "The Big Tease" needs to stop pretending they're the Siskel and Ebert of trailers. You don't review trailers, you watch them. I don't need two people getting excited or bored over a movie trailer when I can do so all by myself.)

I still find "Transformers" laughable.

Here's this big ass intergalactic space machine that goes crashing through buildings only to transform into a car that has probably one tenth of the mass (at most) of the previous incarnation of this piece of technology.

But seeing these huge hulking machines walking about on planet Earth is quite laughable. I don't care how much money the first movie made, I'm not interested in how many toys are sold. I just don't buy it, at all.

Well some might say "it's besides the point. It's all in the name of fun."

And that's fine. I've no problem with fun.

The issues of believability bend when it's an animated film, though.

I'm quickly becoming a fan of anime, namely "Full Metal Alchemist" and such. I intend to find "Bubblegum Crisis" and a few others. I also own my own beloved copy of "Final Fantasy - Advent Children."

To be fair, these are in the name of fun as well, and yet I don't find myself bitching at how unrealistic it is when Cloud Strife and his friends do battle in Migdar with the great big beastie of the skies and, eventually, Sephiroth.

Why is this?

I think the answer lies between the sheets of animation and live action. Live action suggest you went outside and saw it, or that one could see it. Animation can present any world it wants: a Parisian rat can speak English, cook, and has a French guy for his own marionette. A car can talk and manipulate its world, yet it has no opposable thumbs to create the gas tanks or design electric circuitry used to power his world. A talking moose can foil Fearless Leader and a squirrel can take flight.

All those scenarios I accept, for some reason, yet giant machines doing battle on Earth in a real live setting is both silly and yawn inducing to me. For some reason, the more unreal it is in our real world, the more ridiculous appears yet, the more unreal it is in an unreal world, the more authentic it seems to be.

Here's another dilemma of believability: should a movie be released at a particular time of the year to make it more authentic?

I posed this question after the sudden departure last summer of "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" from movie theaters. Let's be honest, I don't feel XF2 was much of a "summer movie," and it got swallowed up during the freakishly large run of "The Dark Knight" and its other competition.

(Let's be fair: TDK's success was a fluke. Fluke's happen. Testosterone fueled fan boys feel TDK's box office bonanza proves this is just the best damn movie ever made, it should've won a Best Picture or Best Director award at the Academy Awards, and so on. It made the money, but it's certainly not worth of those nods.)

I was there on opening day, at the very first showing to see what Mulder and Scully were up to. I wasn't the only one there. I also wasn't disappointed with what was projected before me. I easily got lost in the story and found myself very glad I didn't buy popcorn or a drink when the third act rolled around.

But, it's the middle of the summer, and I'm in a darkened theater looking at frozen winter landscapes. There's an incongruity there, I feel, and outside of TDK's runaway profit margin, I have wondered out loud many times if XF2 would've played better during the winter, that way it might've connected to us more effectively if we'd just driven by big heaping piles of snow.

I don't know that, one way or another. I can't prove it or disprove it, but it is a question that so far will remain unanswered.

I won't complain about XF2, except on one account: the title. Chris Carter was happy with it (or so the story goes) but I'm sure, considering how talented Carter is, that he and his crew could've come up with a title much better than that. In fact, that weak title might've been the second strike against this movie.

As for my own works, (namely "Sweet Dreams,") I wish the old fashioned drive in theaters still existed. I can't speak for other states, but in my area they simply vanished. In fact, we still have the parking lot from one that used to exist, and possibly ten years ago the screen was still up at the far end of the lot, but it had been abandoned ages ago.

I'd like to recreate that era of movie going for the eventual first run of "Sweet Dreams," but that is most likely a pipedream.

But there are possibilities - I remember "Cars" was debuted at, of all things, NASCAR, with the use of multiple screens, projection units, and an elaborate audio system. I'm sure we could come up with something similar, and far superior. Just eliminate the hick mentality, find a nice wide open space on a gentle summer evening, and let the experience begin.

It's not as crazy as it seems - every summer, up in Fayetteville, public screenings are held of previously released films up in Gulley Park, I believe. It's always free, and the organizers always tell the population to bring their lawn chairs and anything else they can think of.

As for the General Theory, it's simply that. I'm sure there are more than several exceptions to it to disprove it, but in an interesting paradox, my General Theory believes in those paradoxes and actually goes forth with encouraging them.

See you at the cinema guys and gals, wherever it may be!

Mania Blog - "Anime: Enlighten Me Please"

As Mania is still having technical issues with all of our past blogs, and I only have one active link to one of the over one hundred lost entries, I thought I'd paste the link to the original entry here.

Some time ago, I asked for the help of several Maniacs to help me understand this phenomenon of Japanese animated culture. It's through this discussion I learned of a new favorite show of mine: "FullMetal Alchemist."

Jakester provided his naughty usual input, Maelstrom was incredibly resourceful (as usual), and MBeckham was a new, lone voice that also provided great insight as well.

So follow the link to lead you to one of our biggest discussions in recent memory.

A Disclaimer For The Uninitiated:

This is a discussion that can get naughty. In fact, it does get naughty, especially in our Comments section.

You have been warned.

PS - Ah yes, the formatting has somehow gotten screwed up in the old blog, so it's not as polished as I'd usually prefer. Nonetheless, it's still informative, and there's no point turning away from something informative.

Starlight's Plan To Conquer The World...

Yesterday I was struck down with a rather nasty stomach bug that, literally, pounced on me from out of the long grass.

At about four in the afternoon, after having forgotten to get the mail, I made the walk up the hill to where the mailbox is firmly planted off the dirt road in its cement foundation.

I almost fell down on the spot. Plus the necessity to walk back to my house wasn't one I was fond of, and with a constantly increasing lack in velocity, I had to sit down twice next to parked automobiles and wait a few minutes while I recovered.

The rest of the afternoon wasn't much better, and this morning has seen an improvement, but I'm not back up to the challenges just yet. The mail can wait, so to speak.

So while I'm currently physically unstable right now, I've been granted the kind of opportunity that only comes when I'm bedridden -- the opportunity to think without any real distractions.

It was in one of these moments I came up with "Sweet Dreams - A Sandman's Story," and last night came the chance to figure out how to promote it to jaded studio execs and the population at large.

If I was in a room right now with a group of suits, this is what I'd tell them.

The Creative Side

To be perfectly honest, it feels to me the magic has long since disappeared from the cinema. Since the mid-90's, we've had "The Matrix," lots of super hero movies and such that are, essentially, CGI top heavy.

And I'm a child of the 80's, which is the era some of my favorite movies come from, and that's not simply because I was a kid at the time.

There was more authenticity, there was more realism even if the movie was something like "Back to the Future" or "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." The effects of a time traveling DeLorean were great, but they didn't make up the story, nor did they detract from.

Plus there was the true special effects wizardry of the time. Now we just slap a computer generated image into the film and be done with it, but Robert Zemeckis and crew had to be creative to figure out how to get Roger Rabbit to pick up a dish and break it on his head and so on.

With the loss of that creativity, we've had the loss of authenticity.

"Sweet Dreams" is a movie about two generations, but we can blend them effortlessly to make people forget they're watching something time specific. Would a 21'st Century guy or gal care if Mathon and Becca's relationship has a tragic end way back in 1953, a time when their parents weren't even thought of?

Sure, "Twilight" has proven it for the girls. Edward is a young man from a different time, but he fits in effortlessly. He is also, in the classical sense of filmmaking, genuinely romantic. We haven't seen this in a character since Mulder and Scully's very quiet relationship that began in the 90's.

The 50's have a specific look, but the more movies that come out displaying that era, the more they look artificial: the clothes always seem to look brand new, the hair looks like it came out of a fashion magazine, and the slang is repeated but also lacks authenticity because only that generation understands it.

So I've eliminated all slang from "Sweet Dreams," be it past or contemporary. This helps make things more uniform, and also keeps all the romanticism of making a "nostalgic" movie dead.

There's also the elements of fantasy, as our Sandmen battle mares with The Starlight Guard on a nightly basis, and these beasties get a good walloping every night, but they manage to do a fair amount of damage themselves so any guy looking for a good fight scene is going to be satisfied.

Plus there's a genuine mystery in the fact Mathon is uncertain of how he became a Sandman, if he's actually alive or dead, and so on. Why can't he enter the cemetery? Why are they kept out of the hospitals? Some have deduced that they're simply not needed there, but Mathon isn't satisfied with that answer.

When "Back to the Future" debuted, something wonderful happened: the kids came out to see a time travel, science fiction story while their older counterparts came out to relieve their youths. I'm willing to bet something very similar would happen with "Sweet Dreams," as the music and other artifacts from the past are brought out for a breath of fresh air.

But the music is important.

This is a movie about an era in time with music that was night time specific. We had truly wonderful artists singing songs like "Twilight Time," "One Summer Night," "Blue Moon." If that wasn't enough, there were artists like The Moonglows and various others that referenced various aspects of all things that occurred past sundown.

And all this music, along with my countless months of staring up at the night sky, has served me well in the writing of this script because it's all part of the atmosphere. And very few movies seem to capture that kind of atmosphere anymore. They show you want you need to understand, and tell you what you need to hear to take you back in time, but it's all just to serve a purpose.

Seeing it and hearing it isn't enough - one has to feel it. And such innocence and wonder was ran out of California a very long time ago. Hell there probably isn't a person in LA, Burbank, Beverly Hills, or Bakersfield who can actually see the midnight sky, let alone the stars themselves due to all the smog they've sent up into their skies.

And playing 50's doo wop might get someone shot.

No wonder they're jaded.

The Marketing

I've been on Myspace for, what, three years now? I've got a fair amount of anonymous readers, and all my high school friends that keep up with me.

Also, on Mania, I somehow managed to get 10,000 profile views in approximately seven months which, I'm told, is unheard of. A year later after joining, my amount of friends continues to grow and I'm well over the 12,500 views that I had back then.

The term "Starlight Guard" which is my handle, has existed for a year and has had that amount of time to sink into the minds of several known, and countless unknown, fanboys who are familiar with me, my work, and all my ranting and raving I do.

Plus there's the new blog (this one you're currently reading) which is just another means of getting the message out.

That's three avenues of communication, and the first two are very well established, so a fan base has existed all this time, and there has to be a large group of people who've remained silent that must, at the very least, be curious about all this stuff they've heard about all these years.

I do know for a fact, that among those friends I know of publicly and virtually, I've got contacts across the entire United States, from coast to coast, on up into Canada and even as far away as Germany. Not bad for a guy living in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas.

There are no guaranteed successes in movies, and no guaranteed failures, but how could anyone pass up with this much pre-existing publicity and awareness I've accomplished in my own time?

The music, as stated, is important, and valued source for the music I've been enjoying comes from Cool Bobby B's Doo Wop Stop, arguably the most successful show on the 50's On 5, as featured on XM Radio. Cool Bobby B has listeners on XM, Sirius, DirecTV, and likely even on Dish Network. That's four possible outlets alone, especially if we partner with him in the promotion and the selection of the appropriate soundtrack for the film.

But the influence doesn't end there, the message can be spread all across the spectrum of Sirius XM's radio channels, because they cross pollinate each other, so the entire XM Nation would be aware of this movie.

Plus, I can pull double duty over at Mania, as I'm acquaintances with three of their staff, which obviously also have the power to get the message out.

Never before has such an "unknown" project had so much going for it, and this is even before an agent has asked to read it.

Now this is a sales pitch, of course, but it's a pretty fair analysis of the potential and the promise to lay down golden stretches of pavement headed to cinemas across the country.

I need to lay down now. I've been working on this proposal for the last hour in brief spurts. At least I've got XM Radio to keep me company...

Everything Old Is New Again (Whether You Like It Or Not)

I'm dedicating this one to Hobbs, with whom I share stories of grief and exultation in the realms of Star Trek and Star Wars.

Trek has always been there for me. It's a great passion, a source for philosophical discussion and, often enough, a source of frustration committed by those who were in charge of Trek at the time.

Now we have J. J. Abrams' new Trek incarnation about to appear in our cinemas. I've sweated over this as I have "Star Trek - Enterprise," the only Trek show I actively stated should be cancelled.

But there was once the chance to do a Trek prequel way back in the days before George Lucas himself had likely even considered such a notion with his own franchise.

After the bad, yet profitable, Trek 5 had run its course, the accounting nuts and big shots over at Paramount realized that, yes, Trek can survive even the worst outings and be profitable, but it's also getting expensive to produce.

Then Harve Bennett, the man who had guided Trek through these more recent film outings, starting tinkering with an idea he'd had midway through Trek 4. It, as well, would've been a prequel (or in the contemporary dreaded terms, a "reboot.")

The general ideas are laid out for all to read in Shatner's book "Movie Memories," but as I sit here revisiting this particular chapter I'm forced to look at my views of Abram's vision as well.

Harve's idea was one of a Starfleet Academy adventure, with young James Tiberius Kirk restlessly waiting for his acceptance at the Academy by buzzing around the skies of Iowa in an old fashioned plane while simultaneously sowing his wild oats with any woman who'd have him which, knowing young Kirk, might've been anyone of the female persuasion.

Meanwhile Spock would've left Vulcan against his father's wishes to join the Academy, and a young McCoy who'd also have joined up after years of caring for his ailing father. They also would've been under the tutelage of a gifted engineering professor, who was decidedly Scottish.

Take a guess at who that was.

And here it is the pieces would fall into place: Kirk and Spock would be rivals, but Kirk would ultimately come to Spock's defense when the rest of the human population essentially becomes prejudicial against Spock's being there.

Amidst all this there is a villain out in space manipulating the people with his own means of racist and prejudicial weaponry whom these young cadets would have to deal with.

Toss in a genuine love story with a female pilot and you've got a Trek reboot.

And, in a sense, some of these elements don't sound too dissimilar to Abram's version.

I'm still not doing back flips over this new incarnation, and I doubt I would've over this version that never made it to the screen.

But, given all these reboots, remakes, and re-imaginings, I'm reminded of a line from "Amadeus."

Mozart is pushing for permission to go forward with his latest opera, "The Marriage of Figaro" I believe it was (I don't have a copy of the film at my disposal at this moment), and those of the Emperor's court are all trying to prevent Mozart from going forward with it.

Even the man who is his greatest supporter in the court, the man who considers Mozart to be brilliant, is trying to reign the composer in, saying he shouldn't waste his talent on such nonsense and return to the old style legends which have existed forever.

Mozart objects, and argues why must the people keep promoting all these old legends repeatedly forever, and his answer is that because the legends themselves go on forever, "or at least what they represent."

Mozart complains, looking to do something new, as he's sick of hearing about Hercules and poses the question "wouldn't you rather hear about your hairdresser instead of Hercules?"

Hollywood needs someone, anyone, who'll stand up to all these people and say "let all the old things die, come up with something new and maybe then we'll revisit the past!"

James Bond was rebooted, and I won't touch it. Star Trek is suffering a reboot, and I worry about it. Fantastic Four is being rebooted after one movie, while The Inedible...I mean "Incredible" (and I use that term loosely) Hulk was rebooted after one outing.

The Pink Panther was re-imagined, and though it was somewhat enjoyable (it's hard to not like Steve Martin), it was probably best left alone.

Hollywood is built on old legends, and they do their best to keep retracing the steps of all those old gods and goddesses. They'll mine and cannibalize anything that's known, or well known.

But they're afraid of the new, and they shouldn't be.
But when something new comes along, and it has any amount of success, it instantly becomes a legend of old.

Look at Summit and how they've handled the "Twilight" series: it was given a fair budget, was filmed on American soil, make tons of money, and immediately the kids at Summit became evil, trashed the director of their hit, moved the production to Canada, and green lit two more movies instantly and demanded the next one come out within less than a year.

There's talk of a second Trek reboot movie, plus a second X-Men reboot movie as well.

And those haven't even hit screens yet.

But one thing worries me, will they try to reboot Harry Potter in twenty years? Or The X-Files? Or even, dare I say it, Police Academy?

Everything old is new again...but I wish everything new actually was new. And this is why I have so many problems with revisiting Trek in these instances: Gene Roddenberry was looking forward, not backwards.

Since "Enterprise," Trek has looked backwards, and therein lies the problem for me.

For Hollywood, looking back hasn't been completely successful either, so it should look forward as well. Maybe then, and only then, we can shake out the cobwebs and revitalize both the industry and ourselves as well.