One of my quiet little goals of making it to Hollywood entails a pet project of mine: adapting a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel to the big screen.
Personally, I'd like it to be "Wyrd Sisters" as I'm quite fond of the Witches-of-Lancre series of books which deal with the lives of Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat Garlick, and Perdita X. Nitt.
But I may not get to, or have to, follow through on this little dream of mine. Apparently there have been animated movies following the exploits of Discworld and, more recently, two live action mini-series have been produced which also delve onto the Disc.
Last night, for example, the Ion Channel premiered "The Color of Magic." And, over a year ago, "Hogfather" debuted right before Christmas. The Disc had twice been brought to life, and wonderfully I might add: you can see the Great A'tuin in all its glory; there's the Unseen University, and its orangutan shaped Librarian. Plus you also get to see the Assassin's Guild, the Patrician himself, the completely incompetent wizard Rincewind, the loyal (but deadly) Luggage, the foreboding presence of Death, and so on.
In the past (for a giggle or two) I tried my hand at adapting my chosen story to the script format.
My first attempt was somewhat...well, it was the novel brought to life by just placing the characters in their setting and having them say what they've already said in the book which, of course, isn't the best way of adapting a book.
And then I tried again a few years later and, I feel, had something much closer to what it should be like. And here it is...
FADE IN:
EXT. SPACE
The vast emptiness appears before us, as we begin to slowly drift forward through the unending cosmos.
DEATH (VO)
(deep voice)
Here, among the unimaginable stretches
of time and space, is a world unlike
anyone has ever seen before: The
Discworld.
We rocket through the empty space, and come upon a planetary scene with a sun and a small moon at opposite ends of each other. We cannot make out the complete shape of the planet, yet.
DEATH (VO)
It is a world of magic. Magic that is
slowly generated by its slow rotation
as it is faithfully carried across the
cosmos upon the backs of four elephants
which, as it turns out, are also
supported on the shell of an enormous
star turtle: the Great A'tuin.
We pull back slowly to reveal the four elephants, and circle around to come around the right side of the giant turtle, and hang there as it stares off into infinity before returning to a scene above the planet and its means of supports.
DEATH (VO)
It is unclear as to the reason such a
world would exist, but one prominent
theory states that the gods of the
Discworld decided to do away with the
standard planetary models and have a
bit of fun for once.
It should be noted that this, apart from
being the most prominent theory, also
happens to be the only truly accurate
creation theory in all of existence.
We zoom down through the darkened sections of the Discworld, into a very rural and mountainous area known as The Ramtops. We glide along until we come across a large, majestic castle.
DEATH (VO)
But, even in a world as unique as
this, it must be noted that Death still
comes to claim his own charges when the
time is right.
We continue to glide across the landscape, and come across black, shrouded figure mounted atop a magnificent, white stallion. The figure holds a large scythe in one bony hand, and an old fashioned hourglass in the other.
Meet DEATH, a grim reaper of sorts. In his vacant eye sockets are tiny pinpricks of blue flame. Death considers the hourglass in his skeletal hand that is quickly running out of sand. Upon the glass are the words KING VERENCE.
Death places the hourglass back within his shroud and gathers his scythe about him.
DEATH
It is almost time. Onward, Binky.
Binky rears up, and gallops off across the landscape, headed for the castle. He then leaves the ground and gallops through open air.
DEATH (VO)
It should be noted that, on nights such
as this, evil deed are committed. Good
deeds as well are undertaken, but it's
mostly evil deeds on the whole.
If mine would be worth of Terry Pratchett's approval, I don't know.
I do know Pratchett has a "mucked about by" credit for the television adaptations of "Color of Magic" and "Hogfather."
And that's fine.
In fact, I'd invite him to muck around with my draft as well.
But, even if I don't get to be involved with the Discworld anytime soon, at least I know there are talented people out there who are intent on bringing at least portions of it to life, and maybe they'll get around to "Wyrd Sisters."
I'd settle for that.
After all, I've got plenty of my own stuff to be worrying about.
