If you're an up and coming screenwriter (or at least you hope you are, like me, wanting to kick open the seemingly permanently sealed shut doors of Hollywood) then you're likely aware of Bruce Bartlett's Screenwriting Tips.
His is a blog I follow, and only just recently as I only discovered it, well, just recently.
But I've known the name for a good long time now because he's the guy to contact at the Above The Line Agency out in California. His listing is among the first, if not the first, in a long list of agencies that are listed alphabetically both in published form and on the WGA Agency list.
Bartlett has stated two things I'm keeping in mind - one of which I knew, the other which is a helpful thought to have.
The first statement is to "own the room."
This is for those lucky bastards who actually get called in to promote themselves. You have to, basically, own not just yourself and all those in the room, but the room itself.
This doesn't mean "be a cocky bastard."
It means YOU GOTTA RAZZLE DAZZLE 'EM!
That, fortunately, is something I'm quite familiar with.
In the past, when I've filled in for the Humanities\Music instructor I worked for back in my collegiate days, I had to not only keep a class of unruly freshmen interested, I also had to keep their respect.
That, I must tell you, is very difficult. They're like predators, and if they get the slightest scent of fear they'll eat you alive in a second.
But I, thankfully, was born under the star sign of Leo. I'm a natural showman.
(Egomaniac some might've said a decade ago.)
But, as a sort of crazed wannabe entertainer, I tend to need to shine as bright as I can to get as many people to notice me. If I can get them to notice me, and if I can hold their attention, I can do whatever I need to do.
And these were the underhanded tactics I used to keep countless groups of freshmen & sophomores intrigued as I would climb up on the teacher's desk, walk an entire row empty desks in the classroom, jump, shout, scream, play movies on the expensive DVD theater system, and pipe various forms of modern music through the speaker systems before and after class.
I had to remind them that, not only was I one of them, I understood them. I was them once. And it always worked.
I was also called in for a few talks at my old high school by my former art teacher, who asked me to show a few of her newer students how to get things done properly. And, of course, I'd climb the desks, draw on the chalkboard, and even sing and dance if the subject called for it.
So I can own a room.
Hell, I do more than that. At times, it's like I've purchased the entire building.
The second thing Bartlett mentions is have three projects completed when you get in that room.
I have that as well: "Sweet Dreams - A Sandman's Story," "Summertime Blues," and "The Life and Times of Igor."
"Sweet Dreams" is about a young man who has his entire life taken from him at 17 due to an automobile accident, but he is reborn the very same night as a Sandman. We follow this young man from 1953 on through present day as he watches the ones he loved fade away, while joining in the nightly battles against nightmarish creatures called "mares."
In case you're wondering, this particular project involves the Starlight Guard and the Sandman's bag of magic sand, which of course served as the inspiration for this blog URL, it's description, and my handle both here and on Mania.
The Starlight Guard is group of recruited individuals who fight the mares nightly, along with the Sandmen, only these select people have no absolutely no idea they lead a different life at night. Only the Sandmen are aware of this fact.
"The Life and Times of Igor" is, simply put, a Transylvanian story gone completely bonkers.
Dr. Frankenstein, a former circus clown, gets arrested for dumping toxic waste, Igor tries to fit in by doing various odd jobs, The Wolfman is part Jack Russell Terrier, The Mummy is an accidental subject of reanimation by Igor one day at the Natural History Museum, and Dr. Jekyll suffers multiple personality disorders such as the evil Mr. Hyde, along with Richard, the Tango Dancing Squirrel.
Other featured stars are Quasimodo, Igor's incessantly jealous cousin, not to mention Dracula, and The Blob who is a living science experiment and door to door salesman.
As Igor tries to fit into life of modern day Transylvania, Utah, things unravel completely for the hunchback and he realizes there's only one place he belongs: with his beloved master.
"Summertime Blues" may borrow the title from the old Eddie Cochran song, and some of its themes from the Bob Seger tune "Night Moves," but it's based more so on what my misspent youth would've been like had I'd been healthy enough to undertake these manic adventures.
It's partially true.
And it's a hell of a lot of fun as it revives my preferred style of comedy: that with grand gestures, lots of shouting, and uncivilized behavior. Think Jim Carrey's earlier works with the naughtiness of "American Pie" thrown in.
I should note these are all copyrighted. I've got the proof to back it up, so no funny business.
A note on my style of comedy: comedy should be passionate. It should have you doubled over laughing with tears streaming from your tightly closed eyes while you pound your fists into the floor.
This is something I personally feel has been lacking for a good....well....several years.
Judd Apatow is the comedic Anti-Christ, and its his movies that have dominated screens for far too long.
I've tried watching a few of his movies, I understood the jokes quite clearly, and I couldn't see an ounce of humor in his bland, rice cracker comedy style.
Sorry Apatow, but for the good of the nation, you've got to go.
